The thing I want most... sleep. I want at least a routine cycle of sleep, regardless of the hours. Instead, I sleep randomly and it annoys me. I'm exhausted much of the time when I am awake. To sleep... perchance to dream! I spent the last few hours learning about a database tool. I experiment with technology when I cannot sleep. Really, I should be writing or focusing a lot more on other projects. I have a long enough list of projects that nothing new should be allowed. I need a lot more focus when I am awake. The "ADD/ADHD" label enters my mind at these hours. What if the diagnosis of ADD/ADHD was correct years ago? Was I any more or less productive with that label? With the medications? I don't remember. Too many things I do not remember. I want focus. I want to finish projects.
At birth, doctors suggested I would be mentally disabled, in addition to the physical injuries I suffered. I have never been described as normal. “High-functioning autism” (HFA) is just another way to describe a few aspects of “me.” The autistic me is the creative me, the curious me, the complete me.