The Autistic Me

It's apparently that time of year when we're expected to increase awareness of autism (which I forgot until Apple posted a video). Yeah, because the millions spent by Autism Speaks, the proliferation of puzzle pieces and ribbons, the endless public service announcements on Internet radio feeds, the countless feel-good "news" stories and on and on haven't done enough to increase awareness. People are aware. Nobody needs me to blog about awareness, since readers of this blog are pretty obviously aware of autism and atypical neurology, neurodiversity, or whatever you wish to call it. At this moment, I'm taking a short break from editing a video about autism, the arts, and education. If we want to increase awareness of some aspects of autism, how about debating these random thoughts? 1) Autistics and those with autism-like traits should be the ones speaking, writing, illustrating, signing, painting, composing, et cetera, about what autism means. Allies shou...

Teaching is about reading, and sending, social signals. In some subjects, that's more problematic than in others. Math or science topics would probably be a good fit for my personality. But, as readers know, I took a wrong turn in my studies and ended up in the humanities. It is one thing to love the media and arts, and I do, but another to teach in them. I enjoy subjects that aren't easily taught -- subjects without clear answers. Granted, I also love science and probably should have pursued STEM fields professionally while keeping the arts my hobbies. Teaching business communications, I feel like a nonnative speaker. There is always room to improve, at least. I theorize that my struggles do help me teach. That belief helps me get through the semesters. Reading my teaching evaluations, it strikes me how often students experience something quite different from what I hoped to convey. They miss the humor I imagine is obvious, or hear humor when none is intended. They con...

A reader asks, "If you don't think about the autistic traits, what about your wife? They tend to notice what husbands fail to see in the mirror." Is my wife be more aware of my "autistic" traits than I am? Probably. I suppose the above is true of all friends and family in our lives. The people observing us probably do see us for whatever we are, more clearly than we can see ourselves. She knows how annoyed I get with myself, which might help her tolerate me a little more. I dislike how locked in I get to thoughts, how much I worry constantly about failing at things, how tense I get in various situations. She knows I don't like my sensitivities, my fears, and my general anxiety. My wife reminds me to accept my limits, though I hate those limits. She tries to maintain order and calm, knowing how much I hate disorder in my life. I don't like to be told the obvious though: my mind doesn't let go of things, even when I wish it could. She'll te...

In the last two weeks, I had to deal with the consequences of misperceptions and assumptions about me — and autism. My last major "public interaction" of 2012 also included a mention of my perceived personality, and that mention still annoys me several days later. I am reminded of this excellent blog post on Musings of an Aspie : You Scare Me October 10, 2010 http://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/10/10/you-scare-me/   Last summer, my husband and I had some new friends over for lunch. They brought along their two young boys. Toward the end of the meal, the 5-year-old, who was sitting next to me, looked at me and said, "You scare me." I have been told, far too many times, that I make people uncomfortable. I have been told I am cold, intimidating, angry, and scary. Coworkers, I have been informed, are afraid of me. Afraid of me, despite my palsy, my limp, and my occasional use of a cane. Please, read the full post on Musings of an Aspie  and try to understand w...

It has been a busy couple of weeks, with my classes finishing their final exams and my wife and I rushing to fix up our "old" house so the sale can close and we can focus on the "new" (really, actually new) house. Just as I was ready to gather some thoughts and blog, we had the events of Newtown, CT. The mention of Autism Spectrum Disorders and violence (you can search on Google, I won't bother with the links) have raised some difficult issues — and I didn't want to comment on some of the articles about mental health and violence because, while less upsetting than the horrific events, were still upsetting. We'll have more stories about the "severely" autistic with aggressive personality disorders. Maybe someone will dredge up the various "autism defense" stories, citing the several criminal cases in which autism was a defense for horrible acts. Now, I'm only in a slightly better place to comment than I was a few days ago....

I've addressed this issue in a few past blogs, generally arguing that stereotypes, even positive ones, are not helpful for a group. A positive stereotype about Asian students, black athletes, or autistic scientists is still a stereotype that ignores the experiences of individuals and creates illusions of what is normal in those groups. Geekiness and autism: Is there a connection? – GeekOut - CNN.com Blogs Yes, I'll admit I am a technically-skilled, science-loving person. But I enjoy creative writing. Even the "geek" stereotype bothers me (which is often reduced to socially awkward "nerd" and not actually technical skill, anyway). Autism, to me, is the hyper-sensitivity of the senses. It is migraines. It is seizures. It is the inability to understand social nonsense (and much of it is nonsense). It is a physical reaction to things that don't seem to cause physical / sensory reactions for other people. Autism is not about any special gifts. It'...

In a post that was a private reflection, moved off the main page, I mentioned "the mediocre people." I've been pondering this concept and believe it needs some clarification that might be of interest to most of my readers. The Mediocre are not defined by their education levels, incomes, faiths, political beliefs, genders, races, or any number of other categories. Oxford American Dictionary : 1. of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate. 2. rather poor or inferior. Merriam-Webster : moderate or low, poor quality. Of a poor to middling character. What is "poor character" to me? It means you are not a role model. It means you aren't one of the good or great people. Maybe The Mediocre don't try. Maybe they don't care. But they are what they are. Most of the good and great people I know are from humble backgrounds. They are farmers, nurses, librarians, police officers, farm workers, mechanics, and many other profess...

I have reworked the introduction to the section in A Spectrum of Relationships dealing with peers and colleagues. I hope this introduction is better. I'm not going to repost the entire chapter at this time, only the introduction. Colleagues and Peers For some people with autism spectrum disorders, colleagues and peers are the closest non-familial relationships in their lives. Autistic individuals with occupational or academic success often find their success because of an ability to hyper-focus on a topic or skill of special interest. This focus is one aspect of “autistic perseveration,” a near-obsessive interest in an object, concept, topic, or activity. The reason I chose to discuss peers and colleagues in the same section is simple: workplaces aren’t that different from school — especially high school. Schools and businesses are social settings and our peers and colleagues cannot help but form opinions of us. Because they come into constant contact with us, our peers and collea...

On many Web forums dedicated autism, no matter the topic there is an increasing likelihood that a discussion will be hijacked by the anti-vaccine, "curebie," anti-establishment, conspiracy theorists. They are led by "journalists" and celebrities given prominence by the Huffington Post, DailyKos, Age of Autism, and other websites. They admire discredited men and women, individuals reprimanded in legal proceedings, sanctioned by medical review boards, and disavowed by universities. Yes, to many of us with science and quantitative backgrounds, the science is firmly established — as firmly as one can expect within medical science. And what annoys us is that self-proclaimed watchdogs and anti-vaccine hooligans, and they are hooligans, point to "journal articles" and demand other articles in response. Of course, the "journals" publishing the Geiers and most others are vanity journals, foreign publications, or minor journals of no standing — but that do...

Earlier today I was asked: "May I ask the reason you are even ON an ASD list if you're so self-sufficient and never need any assistance for anything?" Of course, I've never claimed life is a solo project. My presentations begin with a reminder that most successful people depend on many, many other individuals. Family, teachers, mentors, etc., have all helped me along this path. But, I also don't sit around waiting for help. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. When I fail, it is usually because I did something or failed to do something. Maybe I failed to anticipate a problem, which might include other people, but that's how life is. Sure, I probably fail with spectacular regularity. And? What's wrong with falling down time to time? I'm not going to wallow in what my disabilities or challenges have "cost me" as a person. They haven't cost me anything of serious consequence. Jobs? Grades? Whatever. I have an incredible wife, great family,...