The Autistic Me

Cinemeccanica movie projector from circa 1950 in small cinema of folklore and arts union. (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) Since January 2016, I have been working towards my MFA in Film and Digital Technology . During these 18 months, I have had a number of medical issues, yet I did complete my coursework on time despite hospital visits, surgeries, and other minor disasters, including a car accident that totaled our beloved Jeep Cherokee. What I don’t blog about, for many reasons, is that my wife and I are also foster parents . I won’t write much about that, but want people to understand that not only am I “the autistic me” trying to do my best to obtain job skills, I am also a parent with special needs children who are worth every minute they require for special services and our love. My studies, teaching, our medical adventures, the children… it all adds up and has made completing the MFA film project a race against the clock. It also is going to require more funds than I had an...

A spinal nerve with its anterior and posterior roots. (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) My MFA in Film and Digital Technology was supposed to be finished in December, 2016. It wasn't. Instead, I had one infection after another, anemia, emergency room visits, blood and iron transfusions, a pinched spinal nerve , surgery… and more infections. Add in a car accident and family things and life overtook my life plans. This happens, but I do not like it when a schedule slips. Unfortunately, lots of my scheduled tasks have slipped. Now, I need to finish my MFA paper and film, a screenplay that's past-due, and several other projects. Plus, I need to find a job after I finish the degree. When I feel well, I need to work a lot to make up for the time I have lost and will inevitably lose in the future. The panic caused by being off schedule causes my schedule to slip more, but I'm doing my best not to panic. It's hard for me to not be distracted by the distraction th...

It is again that season, the time of year many of us will always consider the "new year" instead of some date in Winter. Yes, back-to-school. For me, this is the end of a busy five-class summer as an MFA student in Film and Digital Technology. I promise (sort of) that this will be the last of my graduate degrees unless I stumble into a FREE degree in economics. I'll have only three classes remaining in a 12-course MFA program. This degree has been a lot work and I am exhausted. I start teaching again the week of August 22. Summer ends and school starts. Not much of a pause between the two. My studies resume, officially, the next week, but I'll be completing MFA paperwork and thesis outlines in the meantime. My wife and I have had a lot going on this year, including health adventures. We've each had a night in the hospital; she had the far more complex and serious medical journey this year. I'm glad she's okay, because she's everything to me and...

In February of 2007, I had to create a series of blogs for a graduate school project. And so I did. Now, four years have elapsed and a few hundred people a day read a school project gone wild. Yes, my blogs started as a requirement of a "digital composition" course. I created an "academic" blog, a "political" blog, and a "personal" blog. This is the personal blog. A fourth blog is also out there, created for a different university graduate course. I was actually "anti-blog" because as a journalism and English student, I appreciate the benefits of editing and revising a work. It was unplanned that I would ever disclose or discuss autism beyond a single semester. Hence, I was careful to ensure my name wasn't on the blog until a year later when I had come to realize some activism, at least limited self-advocacy, is unavoidable for students with any serious disabilities. I admit that I had no serious intention of being an advocate, spok...

Yesterday, I defended my doctoral dissertation and paid the last $120 in fees to the University of Minnesota. For the cost of tuition, they really should include the dissertation filing, even though the money is technically paid to a private publisher. Here is a portion of the "ETD" report you receive after submitting the final project: Print Date : 05-12-2010 _____________________________________________________ Campus : University of Minnesota, Twin Cities Program : Graduate School Plan : Rhetoric/Sci/Tech Comm Ph D Major Degree Sought : Doctor of Philosophy Plan : Supporting Program Minor Dissertation: Online Pedagogy: Designing Writing Courses for Students with Autism Spectrum Disorders Dissertation / Final Research Categories ______________________________________________________ 736 : Speech & Rhetorical Studies 810 : Educational/Instructional Media Design 835 : Special Education 864 : English Education It is complex enoug...

I turned my dissertation draft in to my adviser shortly before Christmas. I am now waiting for suggestions, which will then allow me to finish the dissertation in January. If all goes according to plan, I will be done with my doctorate by April. The journey through graduate school will finally be over. There were false starts in the past. Failed attempts at M.Ed programs, when I hoped to return to teaching high school. One failed attempt at a journalism degree, which simply proved to be bad timing for me physically. Now, though, I have completed my M.A. in English and my Ph.D work in Rhetoric. It was a long, long journey. I count at least four attempts at a master's before I finally finished a program. Finishing was important because it finally meant I could teach full-time, at the community college level. My wife and my academic adviser were both equally responsible for my success. I needed her to keep me working through the rough times when I wanted to quit. I needed an adviser w...

In several earlier posts I have noted systemic failures at the University of Minnesota. In August, 2006, my misadventures began. By the end of September, my position in the Writing Center ended in disaster and a complaint to the university relating to the experience. The university has been less and less welcoming with each new semester. The university is nothing like my experiences at Fresno State or my initial studies at USC. My classroom studies in English and journalism at USC were relatively uneventful. (Problems at USC were limited to one person in the School of Education, after I completed my undergraduate studies.) Fresno State went relatively well, too, with a 4.0 GPA and my only issues involving paperwork nonsense that occurs everywhere. I was never “disabled” at USC. I was only listed as disabled at Fresno State after having issues walking across the campus in a timely fashion. I am slow, especially when my back and legs hurt. Still, this was a minor issue and the university...

At the start of every semester, I suffer from extreme anxiety. I dislike learning how new classes will function. I also have a general distaste for classes that seem to repeat the same basic themes and topics. As a graduate student in any given field, the primary figures in the field and the major works are mention again and again and again. I'm tired of hearing the same basic notions. It is hard for me to remain on task when I am so bored. The problem with being bored is that I end up either working on other projects during class or I end up speaking up and giving my opinions too often. Like so many ASD individuals, I feel like I want to rush the courses along. Tell me something exciting to me. Interest me. Instead, I had a professor talking about writing paragraphs tonight. I'm nearly 40 years old. I know the "composition" paragraph style calls for a topic, some supporting data, and a conclusion. Yes, I get it. And I still think it is stupid. That's ...

November 29, 2007, was a lousy day. I did poorly, very poorly, on an exam in statistics. The damage to self-esteem was fairly deep. I'm not supposed to do poorly on any test, in any class. I've seldom done well with written tests — it is painful to write for any length of time. As an undergraduate, I would write as much as I could before my hand and arm were too sore to continue. The alternative, and equally unsuccessful approach, was to write slowly. Either approach resulted in an incomplete test. I was sure graduate school would be different. First, most classes don't have tests! This is a great thing, since papers and research projects seem a lot more meaningful. In my opinion, a timed test is more a test of dexterity than knowledge. The notion is that if a student knows the material well, he or she can quickly write answers or do the necessary calculations. What if you know the material but can't write? Timed tests prove nothing at all. My fear of tests ...

Even as an adult in my mid-30s, I am struggling as a graduate student. I can do the work, I can read the texts, but I am struggling. What is the issue? Probably the most important of all: In eight months I have yet to form a single personal connection within my doctoral program. My social anxiety is too high to attend gatherings. I keep thinking I'm going to attend an event, but I have only managed to attend a play -- nothing else outside of classes. I fear going to campus, much of the time. It takes a lot of energy to attend class. Sadly, I sit and shake in my classes, even though I don't hesitate to speak. Classmates have called me "The Ghost" to my face. I'm an outsider. The importance of connections cannot be overstated. You need to connect with classmates and with instructors. I would tell any student that you need a mentor in a degree program. Without a mentor and a clear goal, you will struggle -- as I am doing now. A mentor helps you nav...