The Autistic Me

Autism advocates I admire have recently shared their "burnout" with online followers. These advocates are not seeking sympathy, nor are they wallowing in self-pity. Sadly, they must anticipate negative reactions before taking a break from online and real life activism. I separate online from real life because the online world can be more exhausting and far more negative than the physical spaces in which advocates operate. Online statements are easily misconstrued, taken out of context, and magnified both intentionally and unintentionally by readers. Trying to maintain civil discourse online can be an impossible task. In the physical world, what I still consider the real world, people pause before speaking. Rarely can they hide behind anonymity before being cruel. Public cruelty can at least be exposed in many settings. Online, different rules seem to apply to human behavior. Decency is lacking. When I fail to follow a particular Twitter account, like a Facebook page, or...

Naps and extra sleep help a little, but after too much social interaction and too much stress, I need some time to compose myself and prepare for yet more socializing. I'm not alone: most introverts experience this same need to recharge alone, in a quiet space. For me, the quiet space isn't silent. It's walking around the track with my wife. It's sitting with a cat in my lap. It could be baking, writing, or engaging in some sort of activity. People confuse my need for "less input" with a desire for "no input." Those are not the same. I actually relax more with my wife and my cats than when I am alone. But, I don't want to be around crowds or in loud spaces. I want to be able to decompress, not experience isolation. This is an incredibly busy year. Teaching two courses, working on three new plays, revising five plays that are in development, and trying to maintain my other to-do items. It's a lot for me, and maybe too much at this mom...

A recent comment on the blog noted how fortunate I am to have my best friend as my wife. We spend a lot of time together, which isn't easy for some couples. My wife and I work from home most of the time, so we have lunch together and we take turns tending to our cats' needs. For days at a stretch, we might be the only other people we see face-to-face. My wife is an introvert. She likes to sit on the couch by the fireplace, a cat in her lap while she reads a book. During the summer, she wants to tend a garden and take photos of the parks we visit. The reason we live well together is that neither of us has a compulsion to visit large, crowded cities or places. We are both content to live in a semi-rural area that meets our basic needs. There are some good restaurants, easy access to shopping, and several nice parks. I tend to need out of the house more often than my wife, but my destinations are simple: bookstores, parks, and a few favorite restaurants. She indulges my re...

Someone asked me if I suggest a pet for children with special needs. That question struck me as odd. Shouldn't everyone have an animal in his or her life? I love animals. I don't think of it as pet ownership so much as having feline "kids" and friends. Our kids are important to us, and we have done everything we can for them. Though I try to avoid too much social contact with people, I spend as much time as possible with my cats. I think about our little family often, missing old friends no longer with us and doing all I can to love the kids still with us. Two of our cats (we have four) demand constant attention — and another demands food every two hours, but that's a different topic. Mutt and Misty are our little clingy kitties. They want to be where we are, especially if either of us might be making a lap with room for a cat. Mutt is elderly in cat years. He is deaf, has arthritic hips, and seems to get a little confused at times. His brother, Alex, is i...

Accompanying the arrival of autumn are many of my favorite things: pumpkin pie, warm apple cider, hot teas, homemade cookies, multi-colored leaves, 60-degree days, and ice skating. That's only a partial list, because I love fall. I dislike summer, would rather skip the snows of winter, but fall and spring are glorious. And locally, the ice skating rink is open from Labor Day through Memorial Day. During the week, the public sessions are from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., with evening public sessions on Friday and Saturday nights. My wife and I have been skating during the evening sessions, but those are crowded and noisy. It is much nicer to go skating during the day, when only a few people use the rink. Last year, I found myself sharing the rink with three to five people most days. Sometimes, I was the only person skating, while the figure skaters were stretching or dealing with equipment issues. Around and around, smoothly on the cool ice. While they play music during the evening sessi...

I love food. I like many restaurants. But, I really dislike crowds. The best restaurant is often a crowded one, so how do I get around this problem? Generally, I don't go to lunch at noon and I don't dine at six. When we lived in Minneapolis, I learned to visit my favorite lunch spot at 11:30. Great service, fresh food, and twice the executive chef joined me to chat. In our new community, I've learned that my favorite place is great to visit at 1 p.m. for lunch. The lunch crowd seems to vanish magically right as the lunch hour ends. I've been the only diner several times. I've accidentally arrived too early and found every table occupied. Empty is ideal. There are some good places that are intolerable at most times. I know it's not "great food" in a technical sense, but I like Joe's Crab Shack. However, it's annoying at almost any hour unless you can eat outside on the patio. I love seafood, I hate the theatrics. My wife and I end up ea...

One of the questions I am asked at conferences and presentations is how I "reset" from stress or a meltdown. Once my senses are overloaded by sounds, sights, smells, or other sensations, how do I regroup to work the next day? This question also applies to emotional overload — and having a pet going though some tough times is stressful lately. Here are my coping strategies, in no particular order: Get away from crowds and people. If I'm in a city, I need to head for a park or out of the city if possible. Cities by their natures have too many inputs. "Normal" people eventually treat the inputs like white noise, but my wife likes to say I have the senses of a hunting dog. I hear and smell everything. In Minneapolis, we'd head for the Landscape Arboretum. It is south of the city about 45 minutes. Sometimes there are a lot of people, but the park is large enough to avoid any crowds. Now that we live in a rural county, I like to sit on our front porch in the...

When I am anxious, there are a few things that sometimes help decompress. These things do not work always, but most of the time they do. Because I don't like street noises, which are particularly painful, I seek out isolated park-like areas when I am not home. In Dallas earlier this year, I found several amazing park-like settings, include an enclosed mall with a duck pond and sculpture garden. Parks, arboretums, and gardens are followed closely by museums and galleries. The worst places for me are urban downtown areas. Even the park areas are often too close to the buildings and streets. If I am at home, I turn to cartoons and family entertainment, from Disney to Warner Brothers. I love films with a family pulling together in the end. How can you feel bad after a Pixar movie? Friends and family always win the day in a good movie. I do seal the windows, close the curtains, and drink herbal teas when I am at home and anxious. I do not want to think about where we live, which is much...