The Autistic Me

The headline is in jest, but "The Autistic Me" is closing in on 1000 followers on Facebook and I know the Twitter account has some traffic. I've updated the blog design, in another attempt to increase traffic. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/autisticme/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/autisticme Blogging and other forms of writing are what I do currently. The more followers, the more likely we gain some visibility out there. It's not easy to be seen or heard through the clutter and noise of the Internet. Blogs are trailing other social networks. That's why I need to consider a podcast or video channel. Traffic is survival for a blogger. Spread the word. Suggest blog topics. Maybe ideas for the revised books I'm hoping to (FINALLY) finish this summer. This blog is one of the oldest active autism blogs. I'd like to keep it going and still dream of it thriving. Thank you! Related articles Blogging Cycles No NeuroTribes, Not Much E...

Hanging out with friends seems to be something that most of my Facebook "friends" do on a weekly basis. Some seem to be hanging out nightly. They are the social butterflies I sometimes envy, because social skills matter personally and professionally. I don't get random emails, messages, or phone calls from people asking, "What are you doing tonight?" I can't recall the last personal, non-work message, that was not initiated by me. People don't reach out to me without a reason. Several people have said I make others uncomfortable one-on-one. Lecturing? Public speaking? Those are not a problem. But there is something "off" with my interpersonal skills. Even if I had great social skills, I would I spend time alone so I could write and be creative. I know socially adept introverts. Wanting space doesn't mean you are socially awkward. Of course, I am so socially inept and an introvert. So, on the rare occasions when I do want to hang ou...

People are curious about relationships and autism; the questions asked most often when I appear before groups are about relationships. I've attempted to answer a few questions on this blog, but I never feel like I'm offering many insights. In a world in which most marriages fail and relationships seem to be transitory, I don't believe we can "blame" autistic traits for relationship issues. What we can do is recognize how autism and other forms of atypical neurology/personality do affect us and our relationships. Still, I caution readers that what I am offering is more general than "autism" and probably applies to every relationship at some time. Caveats stated, I believe the greatest challenge in my relationship with my wife is the sense that I'm unworthy of her friendship, loyalty, and companionship. The Susan is calmer, quieter, more focused, a faster reader, a better student, a much better employee… and on and on when compared to me. She has ...

I haven't been posting much to The Autistic Me blog in the last six months or so. I could list all the excuses, and there are many, but I've noticed that my blog isn't alone with less frequent updates. I've also noticed many blogs have either been abandoned or changed managers/authors in the last year. My "autism" group in NetNewsWire, my RSS reader of choice, is shrinking. On the Autism-Hub site, some pages haven't been updated in six months. Only ten have been updated within the last 30 days. What's happened? Have we all shifted to Facebook? I doubt it. Maybe we are exhausted, as a community? That seems plausible, after several busy years. Maybe there will be another spike in discussions once the new DSM-V is published, but we might have exhausted those debates, too. Opinions seem fairly set on many of the subjects. Blogging requires some compulsion to address a topic, or at least to tell a personal story. I'm not sure why anyone would c...

One of the strangest things I have been told is, "You're liked by coworkers." Several supervisors have said this. Each was trying too hard to make a claim that didn't reflect my reality — and it was/is a claim that didn't concern me as much as it did them. It seemed important to the supervisor, oddly enough. In all but one or two instances the statement was not true. Even if it were, I wouldn't care about being liked at work. Work is not a social space for me, or it becomes too overwhelming. Work needs to be apart from other things. I'd rather be respected and treated with some deference as an expert in my field. For some reason, though, my supervisors have considered it important to tell me I was/am liked. No, I'm not liked. Tolerated, maybe. Accepted, to an extent. But I am not "liked" by my coworkers in any special way. "Liked" means something more to me than people getting along in a workplace or at school. Being colleg...

To promote this and other blogs / websites I have created LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, and Google+ accounts, pages, groups, and so forth. Years ago, I also used Friendster, then MySpace, LiveJournal, Yahoo 360, Google Orkut, and maybe a half dozen other social tools. The only online space I use daily remains Facebook. Maintaining the loose, weak connections of online acquaintanceships is demanding. It takes time to send Tweets every day or to post to Google+ and LinkedIn. It requires planning and effort, especially if you are using these media to promote your "brand" in this age of freelancing. It is too demanding, it turns out, so I usually find myself checking Facebook because that is also where some of the news sites I follow post links. Facebook is sort of an "all-in-one" even if it is far from perfect. The other Internet options are more flawed than Facebook, so it wins by default. I'm not sure how long ago I last logged on to LiveJournal or any Yahoo...

A concerned mother asked about friends. She was worried because her teenager only had one close friend. Do I have friends? An interesting question, and one I doubt most people can answer easily. My wife and my family are my close friends; there is no one else I communicate with at least monthly on serious matters. I have friends, people with whom I discuss matters of minimal consequence. Online contacts from my "real life" are generally of this sort. We communicate, but seldom about personal matters. From Discovery.com: In 1985, the average American claimed to have three close confidants (which could have included spouses or family members, in addition to friends), but by 2004, the average American had only two close confidants. One in four people reported having no one to talk to at all. This isn't an "autism" or "introvert" or "gifted" issue. This is a social crisis much larger than any labels could explain. Most of us don't ha...

More from the draft of A Spectrum of Relationships . Collegial Cooperation Some of us want our colleagues to become our friends, while some people are more comfortable keeping work relationships distinctly professional. Whether you want to create a social network or a professional network of colleagues, you do have to master cooperating with colleagues. Building a network can be a challenge for autistic individuals, but technology is making this a bit easier.  My suggestion for autistic employees — and all employees — is to be available when colleagues have questions. The more willing you are to share information, the more likely coworkers will help you when you have a question or need assistance. An autistic person doesn’t need to be the most socially skilled employee to build a good network of colleagues. What matters in business, especially technical fields, is how well you share knowledge.  When I share information, I always try to pass along where the answer could be fou...

A random, rambling set of thoughts. I cannot sleep (it is 3 a.m.) and have been thinking too much. I am usually able to communicate, but not always. I am usually able to walk and move about, but not always. I have stereotypical movements at times, including pounding my hands against my body -- though I don't always remember for how long, why, or what ended it. I have been diagnosed retarded and gifted, dependent on when and how I was evaluated. What I know is that I am fortunate because I am not always "low-functioning" and am, generally speaking, now able to anticipate those stressors that cause regression and meltdowns. I'm not always able to prevent lost days or weeks, but I usually can. So, can I speak for only one group? No group? I have no idea and don't make any claim to universal understanding of the "autistic" experience. I hope my experiences make me somewhat "empathetic" towards those less fortunate, those who will not be able to att...

Lisa Jo Rudy, editor and guide at the About.com autism site ( http://autism.about.com/ ), recently asked readers if they feel part of the "autism community." Unsurprisingly, most answered in the affirmative. Yes, they are part of the community. But, I don't believe I am part of the "autism community" or part of one of the many "autism communities" that self-identify in various ways. The Autie / Aspie / Aspergian / etc. Communities I do not consider myself an "aspie" or "aspergian." I don't like the term "autie" and have no desire for any autism-related label. I have tried to read various forums and mailing lists dedicated to autistic members (or members with autism) and end up frustrated with the exchanges after only a few days. I've tried some groups two or three times, but their primary purpose -- discussing autism -- isn't that interesting to me. These are really online support groups. That might be wonde...

I have created a Facebook Group for The Autistic Me: The Autistic Me Fan Page There is also a page for Autism Bloggers on Facebook: Autism Bloggers Group Several great autism blogs have Facebook pages. I encourage you to search for these and follow the status updates.

This blog is continuing but in the next week or two, I will be terminating The Autistic Place -- a failed attempt to create a Web portal for all things autism. The Autistic Me has many readers and seems to serve a purpose. While I might be recognizing the impossibility of establishing a thriving portal in a virtual world with far too many autism-related Web sites, I am not going to stop blogging. In fact, I think terminating the relatively inert portal is going to free up a little tiny bit of time and energy to focus on other tasks. Updating the Drupal CMS and the backend databases proved to take a few hours every month. Yet, there were never any active users for the Web site. For those seeking autism-related portals, there are many of them. I was unable to create something better -- and definitely not able to fund any sort of advertising campaign to launch a portal. One of the things I am noticing is that the Internet itself is evolving. The mailing lists I have read for years are slo...

I'm finding I don't build large social networks online, at least not compared to other people I know. My Facebook account occasionally rises above 100 connections, but seldom for more than a few days. My LinkedIn network is relatively small, with no recommendations. The same holds for other social networks such as Yahoo, Google, and LiveJournal. I simply don't randomly add people to my network -- not even acquaintances. The job hunt reminds me that I should expand these networks. HR departments check these connections, whether we like that reality or not. Being "social" does matter to some academic departments, too, especially if you are applying for "new media" teaching posts. I suppose I could "request" every classmate from high school through my doctoral studies, but most are not people I remember. Those I do remember, it is often for reasons that leave me disinclined to add the individual. I've never been a social butterfly, and the onl...

Over the last few months, I've been asked several times about friends. More precisely, the question has been if I have any. When I read online comments from "ASD" individuals, many are upset that they have no friends and seem to do everything "wrong" in a relationship. I think this is more a situation of being human than being someone with a disorder... humanity struggles to maintain connections. Yes, I do everything wrong and seem disinterested even when I am not. That certainly does upset me when I do care about someone. But is this due to "autism" or simply poor social skills? People I have truly cared about needed me to "appear more interested" in their lives. I was interested, judging by my notes and journal entries. But, I wasn't able to signal how interested I was. Instead, I came across as self-absorbed. One even described me as "calculating" — and indeed, I was "calculating" in the sense that I ...

Even as an adult in my mid-30s, I am struggling as a graduate student. I can do the work, I can read the texts, but I am struggling. What is the issue? Probably the most important of all: In eight months I have yet to form a single personal connection within my doctoral program. My social anxiety is too high to attend gatherings. I keep thinking I'm going to attend an event, but I have only managed to attend a play -- nothing else outside of classes. I fear going to campus, much of the time. It takes a lot of energy to attend class. Sadly, I sit and shake in my classes, even though I don't hesitate to speak. Classmates have called me "The Ghost" to my face. I'm an outsider. The importance of connections cannot be overstated. You need to connect with classmates and with instructors. I would tell any student that you need a mentor in a degree program. Without a mentor and a clear goal, you will struggle -- as I am doing now. A mentor helps you nav...