The Autistic Me

There was simply too much change in the last two years, and lots of stress. I changed jobs — and am on the job market again. We moved — twice. We lost our dear friends J.C. Kitty and Mimi, each passing while we were moving, not even a full year apart. We dealt with flooding and lots of tree branches. My health was its usual adventure, which added to my exhaustion and stress. Finally, as 2012 nears an end, things are starting to feel a bit more organized and sane. Even looking for a new job is less stressful than the first post-graduate hunt because I know we are staying in our new house, in a little Western Pennsylvania township I like a lot. It's a nice place to live, reminding me of the foothills back in Central California — except these hills are green! It appears my wife and I will be able to sell our first Pennsylvania house thanks to a decent market here. If the house sells before Christmas, as seems likely, it will be a huge relief to us. Moving was stressful enough,...

Some observations on floors and life. Seriously. My wife and I are renovating an older home with the hope of having it on the market by mid to late July. At the same time, today a crew is coming to our new house to repair some early water damage to our kitchen floor. Ideally, our new house is back to prime condition by month's end. In the old house, we found there is once-beautiful hardwood flooring in the front half. The flooring, however, was covered by carpet in much of the house, linoleum in the bathrooms, and a lousy stain job in the dining area. Worse, years of pet damage exists in the form of dark stains with white crystalline edges. Curiously, you can see the supports and beams where walls once stood. The living room is divided in half where a long-removed wall had created two rooms. A six-inch beam of plain, unstained wood down the middle of the room means we likely cannot leave the hardwood exposed. When you look up through the basement, it is clear the hardwood wa...

Queen Mimi, the longest-lived of our "kids" passed away in my arms at 8:25 on Tuesday, May 8, 2012. As we were moving into our new house in Pennsylvania, it was obvious Mimi was getting tired. We moved her in a carrier with Misty Kitty, and the pair stayed next to each other over the first night in the house. Wednesday and Thursday, she remained in a little kitty bed in the corner of the "kids' room" of the new house. On Friday, we took her to the vet to see what might be wrong. She had lost some weight. Lab works showed her kidneys and heart were fine, but she had something wrong with her liver. The vet hoped it was nothing more serious than stress, and he seemed hopeful that if she ate enough, the symptoms might go away. If it was only a result of stress, food and water would return her to normal. The vet kept her over the weekend, to feed and hydrate her. The lab work improved significantly, but Mimi seemed tired when Susan brought her home on Monday ...

This is the new house, where we will be living as of tonight.

Today, my wife and I will be moving in to our new house. This means we will be without an Internet connection for two or three days, so I won't be online until the weekend or early next week. Also, moving doesn't leave much time to be online for the next week or so. To make matters more complicated, I have a medical procedure in the middle of the day. I started this morning packing boxes, trying to get what I can done before the out-patient procedure. You never know how long it will take to recover from the anesthesia and general discomfort when you have any medial procedure. The notion of being off-line, disconnected from readers and friends, is a little frustrating. What does that say about our culture and our strange need to be connected at all times? It's as if we don't exist without a network connection. Last year, I tried to have at least one "tech free" day a week. This didn't mean no phone, but it meant no sitting at a computer and working...

For those wondering, we have not stopped blogging and nothing horrible has happened to either me or my wife. We're not dead… we're moving again. Unlike last summer, when we moved from one state to another, this time we are moving about two miles from our temporary residence to a new home in the same little Pennsylvania township. The move will give us plenty of material for our blogs. Moving is stressful and chaotic. Moving raises economic issues, especially in this housing market. Moving means shifting our beloved books again. Most of all, it cuts into our creative "me/us" time necessary to recharging and regrouping. There will be new blog posts. This has been a hectic few years. Of course, we're moving right as my students have finals, my wife has to take a business trip, and a cat is having health issues. The long list of things happening in our lives merely reminds us how overwhelmed we are until the end of May or June. Beyond May we will be renov...

The next 60 days or so are going to be extraordinarily busy for us. My calendar is cluttered with a mix of school, household, and personal project deadlines. Hopefully things settle down substantially by the end of this summer — just in time for the next school year. Classes end on April 19, followed by finals week and grading. Because we get the keys to our new house on April 13, I'll be balancing the end of school against the need to get the house ready. The day before we close on the new house is packed with events, well into the evening. I am presenting a special seminar on the future of publishing during the day and attending a literary journal reading in the evening. The entire month is filled with such days. I'm hoping my wife and I will be able to move into the new house by mid-May, before renovations start on our current house, and before summer school starts. On April 18, I'll be attending a tribute to artists with autism at the Pittsburgh Center for the Art...

We will be moving again in April, if things go according to plan. This will be our fourth move in the last five to six years. That might not sound like a lot of moving, but moving is stressful for everyone and extra stressful for two people with a need for order and routines. Moving is a lousy experience. Things get damaged, misplaced, and general disorder reigns. We lost four desks in moves, including two I really liked. We were never compensated for those loses, either, with bothers me. I end up attached to desks (and other things). Desks are where we work. I write at my desks and they become part of my routine. I still have the desk my family purchased for me in high school (if not earlier — I cannot recall). After we move, I do plan to replace both my computer and writing desks with a single desk. Sure, it won't be perfect, but I want to consolidate my work area. Plus, I want space for a scanner and other things I use frequently. (I like to scan books and documents for the ...

Our lower-level flooded again last night. We ended up calling a company dealing with such emergencies. A neighbor also helped me as I frantically tried to move important paperwork from filing cabinets downstairs to our dining room. Without my wife here, I did what I could on my own and it wasn't enough. Unfortunately, I lost some notes and research I was hoping to use in coming weeks. Thoughts cannot be replaced, while furniture and appliances can be. Earlier in the day, I had driven past our insurance agent's office. I had intended to obtain flood insurance this week. It probably wouldn't have been in effect, but I feel horrible. Why didn't I stop? Because I was coming from a medical appointment, which led to a referral to a surgeon. I'm losing a lot of blood. As readers of this blog might recall, I was hospitalized over Christmas Eve a few years ago with blood loss. I needed a transfusion. We're near that point again. http://theautisticme.blogspot.com/...

For the first time in many, many years, things feel somewhat "right" in life. Not great, since I'm still dealing with the loss of J.C. Kitty and the stress of missing my wife until she can join us permanently. But, things are better than they have been in almost two decades. My wife is the most important person in my life, and the last decade has been anything but fair and good to her. Our relationship imploded for a time, in no small part because doctors (of both the medical and mental health variety) had little clue how to address physical and neurological issues. For most of the time we've known each other, I've never felt like I deserved her as a friend, much less as a companion. I wanted her to be happy — and I doubted very much that I could give her the life she deserved. We've lost a fair amount of time and money trying to earn enough to live. I dreamed of earning enough to "pay her back" for all she did. Instead, we went backwards. A comp...

My wife is visiting this week, which at least temporarily restores some familiar order to my daily routines. Even before her first visit, I'd already established some routines in and around our new home. One of the "happy things" about the new home is that I can stick to five major roads for everything from getting to work to shopping for groceries. I don't want to learn more roads, and am in no hurry to memorize new paths to anywhere. I drive down an interstate expressway to work. The same expressway takes me to shopping centers or to the streets on which shopping is located. I shop for groceries at two stores. In our previous residence, I preferred one store but shopped at several because cities are like that. Living in a rural area, there is one dedicated grocer and a Super Walmart within a few miles of our house. Those two are our choices and I'm content with that. I can memorize two store layouts and develop my routines. There is one restaurant I really like....

I'd like to introduce Misty. Since moving, I've been shopping at a PetSmart location near the university. For that entire time (a month and a week or two), Misty has been in the adoption cages. Then, last Saturday, I noticed the employees had removed her tag and were sorting some paperwork in a large white three-ringed binder. I asked if someone had adopted Misty. No. She had reached her limit with the Humane Society. Misty arrived in April and August was as long as they could give her. Misty was so calm, quiet, and even "sad" looking that she didn't attract enough attention. She had been turned over to the shelter at the age of two and half, so she isn't a cute little blue-eyed kitten. But she is adorable. She is a beautiful cat, who simply needed a home. Having had an elderly owner, according to the Humane Society, Misty was accustomed to relaxed, slow moving people. The "spunky" kittens around her in other cages would run up and stick ou...

A nice note from a reader was helpful tonight. My wife and I have been dealing with a lot this summer. July and August have been too busy and we're both exhausted. I've moved to another state, right after attending a conference for a week in Las Vegas. I had less than a full 24-hours between returning to Minnesota and driving to our new home in Pennsylvania. (And I had endured several minor foot surgeries, right before the Vegas trip and driving. Lots of pain.) Then, after the cats and I arrived, I had to deal with two plumbing emergencies, a home insurance issue, and one of our cats getting ill. For almost two months, life has been tumultuous, at best. When J.C. passed away a few days ago, it was simply too much for me. I spent a lot of time hugging J.C.'s two brothers, hoping nothing else goes wrong. Alex goes to the vet tomorrow (Tuesday) for an exam because he's been losing weight. I never imagined the boys as anything but a trio, from the day of their birth. ...

The last few weeks have been stressful, dealing with moving, a new job, two pet cats with issues, and all the little complications along the way. Yet, with what is probably more actual stress than I was experiencing only a few months ago, I tend to feel much better about where I am and where we are going as a family. Why do I feel better? My simple answer is because I'm not in an urban setting. The most extreme anxiety I've experienced in PA was not when the basement flooded. It was not even waiting to see how JC did during cancer surgery. It was while driving in Pittsburgh. I hated the drive — intensely. I disliked downtown even more than the driving. Don't misunderstand, I was plenty worried about J.C. Kitty during his surgery exactly a week ago. It was a lousy feeling to be wondering if I should be with him at the vet hospital, just in case something happened. But it wasn't the sort of stress that causes me to freeze and hide away. In fact, I wanted to do whate...

I wouldn't claim that the move to another state has gone smoothly for me or my wife, but it seems to have truly upset the cats more. We worried about that possibility before the move because Pumpkin and Muttley are anxious felines with stressed-out personalities. Pumpkin Kitty (aka PK) is on Prozac and the vet suggested Xanax today. He's not eating well, hiding, and hasn't been in my lap once since the move. Muttley ate tonight, which was nice, but he still wanders about screaming at the top of his little lungs. He used to cry in the old house, too, especially after Momma went to work each morning. He would be anxious around 4 p.m. when she was due home within the hour. Now, he cries and she doesn't arrive. J.C. was diagnosed with cancer the day Momma had to return to her job in another state. He had surgery the next day and seems to be doing well, all things considered. He is eating a little and drinking water. I'm sure his tough time isn't helping PK or Mu...

I've taken three cats for rides in the Jeep twice this week while people have toured our house. I hate the idea people are in our house, so I was nominated to take the kids for these trips to the park. Like the cats, I'm not happy about this. Unlike the cats, I at least know the reason we have to leave the house is to help us move to a larger house. Rearranging our possessions bothers me. I like things where I like them. So, after I return from these short drives, I try to restore my sense of order as best I can, while knowing some things need to be packed and hidden. My wife did the house hunting for the new home. She's dealing with strangers in our house. I hate both processes, so it is best that she handled these tasks. I'd want to clean the homes as I toured them. When we looked at homes before moving into our current residence, I hated seeing how little people care for their homes. I like things clean and maintained. The idea people have walked through our ho...

Everyone knows moving is a pain. For weeks before (and weeks after), disarray is the norm. We have boxes about the house, and we've barely started organizing for a long-distance move. In coming weeks, we need to donate, sell, and dispose of as much as we can without parting with anything we'd later miss. Of course, I'm the sort of person to miss anything we leave behind. Coordinating the move is practical logistics: events have to happen in near-perfect order. My wife and I over-plan, and yet we will both feel unprepared until the move is complete. We will worry about every detail between now and August. The cats hated today, which began with two workers installing five new interior doors. I disliked it, too, but it sure was fast and painless versus us doing the work. But, Pumpkin Kitty ("PK") was truly annoyed. I have the two puncture marks on my right hand (thankfully, the less-sensitive hand) where PK bit down and wouldn't let go. He is still hiding several...

I apologize for not having posted more frequently this month. This month has been hectic, as it appears the job search took an unexpected (and positive) turn that has resulted in a cascade of disruptions in our daily lives. In a week or two, I should be able to officially confirm my contract and explain my new position. A new job creates the following disruptions to which most people I know relate: Relief that someone values my research interests and writings; Anxiety of learning a new set of colleagues and their personalities; Fear of not meeting expectations within the organization; Eagerness to learn as much about the new position and its duties as possible; Sadness (limited, however) that we will be leaving a familiar place; and Dread of moving and having to learn a new area — much less a new house! I worry about everything from locating home repair experts we can trust to finding a great vet for our feline "kids." I've spent hours online researching the univ...