The Autistic Me

There was simply too much change in the last two years, and lots of stress. I changed jobs — and am on the job market again. We moved — twice. We lost our dear friends J.C. Kitty and Mimi, each passing while we were moving, not even a full year apart. We dealt with flooding and lots of tree branches. My health was its usual adventure, which added to my exhaustion and stress. Finally, as 2012 nears an end, things are starting to feel a bit more organized and sane. Even looking for a new job is less stressful than the first post-graduate hunt because I know we are staying in our new house, in a little Western Pennsylvania township I like a lot. It's a nice place to live, reminding me of the foothills back in Central California — except these hills are green! It appears my wife and I will be able to sell our first Pennsylvania house thanks to a decent market here. If the house sells before Christmas, as seems likely, it will be a huge relief to us. Moving was stressful enough,...

I haven't been posting much to The Autistic Me blog in the last six months or so. I could list all the excuses, and there are many, but I've noticed that my blog isn't alone with less frequent updates. I've also noticed many blogs have either been abandoned or changed managers/authors in the last year. My "autism" group in NetNewsWire, my RSS reader of choice, is shrinking. On the Autism-Hub site, some pages haven't been updated in six months. Only ten have been updated within the last 30 days. What's happened? Have we all shifted to Facebook? I doubt it. Maybe we are exhausted, as a community? That seems plausible, after several busy years. Maybe there will be another spike in discussions once the new DSM-V is published, but we might have exhausted those debates, too. Opinions seem fairly set on many of the subjects. Blogging requires some compulsion to address a topic, or at least to tell a personal story. I'm not sure why anyone would c...

Some observations on floors and life. Seriously. My wife and I are renovating an older home with the hope of having it on the market by mid to late July. At the same time, today a crew is coming to our new house to repair some early water damage to our kitchen floor. Ideally, our new house is back to prime condition by month's end. In the old house, we found there is once-beautiful hardwood flooring in the front half. The flooring, however, was covered by carpet in much of the house, linoleum in the bathrooms, and a lousy stain job in the dining area. Worse, years of pet damage exists in the form of dark stains with white crystalline edges. Curiously, you can see the supports and beams where walls once stood. The living room is divided in half where a long-removed wall had created two rooms. A six-inch beam of plain, unstained wood down the middle of the room means we likely cannot leave the hardwood exposed. When you look up through the basement, it is clear the hardwood wa...

Queen Mimi, the longest-lived of our "kids" passed away in my arms at 8:25 on Tuesday, May 8, 2012. As we were moving into our new house in Pennsylvania, it was obvious Mimi was getting tired. We moved her in a carrier with Misty Kitty, and the pair stayed next to each other over the first night in the house. Wednesday and Thursday, she remained in a little kitty bed in the corner of the "kids' room" of the new house. On Friday, we took her to the vet to see what might be wrong. She had lost some weight. Lab works showed her kidneys and heart were fine, but she had something wrong with her liver. The vet hoped it was nothing more serious than stress, and he seemed hopeful that if she ate enough, the symptoms might go away. If it was only a result of stress, food and water would return her to normal. The vet kept her over the weekend, to feed and hydrate her. The lab work improved significantly, but Mimi seemed tired when Susan brought her home on Monday ...

For those wondering, we have not stopped blogging and nothing horrible has happened to either me or my wife. We're not dead… we're moving again. Unlike last summer, when we moved from one state to another, this time we are moving about two miles from our temporary residence to a new home in the same little Pennsylvania township. The move will give us plenty of material for our blogs. Moving is stressful and chaotic. Moving raises economic issues, especially in this housing market. Moving means shifting our beloved books again. Most of all, it cuts into our creative "me/us" time necessary to recharging and regrouping. There will be new blog posts. This has been a hectic few years. Of course, we're moving right as my students have finals, my wife has to take a business trip, and a cat is having health issues. The long list of things happening in our lives merely reminds us how overwhelmed we are until the end of May or June. Beyond May we will be renov...

The bad news / good news: my wife is recovering from the flu. It has been tough on her, and she's still exhausted. The semi-good news, for once I didn't get sick and was able to help around the house. I hope I did okay when she needed someone to take care of the house cleaning and cat care. When she's sick, I feel lousy. I want to do whatever I can for her. If there is an upside to the last few days: we've both continued to lose a little weight. Today she felt a bit better so we went to run a few errands. The errands were a mixed-bag. We went with three goals: I thought I needed new pants, I wanted to find some ice skates, and we were going to look at Art Deco design books. 1. The pants quest was a bust. While my waist is down an inch or more, my thighs are not getting smaller and probably won't. Years of walking, cycling, racquet sports, and skating have a side effect. Even a tailor at Men's Wearhouse commented on my legs, asking what exercising I did. W...

To all our readers, we wish you all the best this Christmas. We've had a quiet week and plan to have a quiet, relaxing Christmas Day at home with our little furry kids. I like simple Christmases, which are what we have had for several years now. Living 2538 miles from "home" (according to Google Maps) means we don't have family gatherings to attend. There's no pressure to make the rounds from house to house. While I love my family, it's nice to have no pressure on us to be everywhere and see everyone over the two days of Christmas Eve and Christmas. Also, we don't do parties or big social events. We attended one small gathering, and that was it. It wasn't easy for me, but it was at the home of two friends to whom we owe much. It was a nice gathering, with nice people. Plus, it was quiet. I like quiet. We did make a few trips to local stores, a nearby mall, and into Ohio briefly for some craft supplies and other errands. The mall was surprisingl...

We will be moving again in April, if things go according to plan. This will be our fourth move in the last five to six years. That might not sound like a lot of moving, but moving is stressful for everyone and extra stressful for two people with a need for order and routines. Moving is a lousy experience. Things get damaged, misplaced, and general disorder reigns. We lost four desks in moves, including two I really liked. We were never compensated for those loses, either, with bothers me. I end up attached to desks (and other things). Desks are where we work. I write at my desks and they become part of my routine. I still have the desk my family purchased for me in high school (if not earlier — I cannot recall). After we move, I do plan to replace both my computer and writing desks with a single desk. Sure, it won't be perfect, but I want to consolidate my work area. Plus, I want space for a scanner and other things I use frequently. (I like to scan books and documents for the ...

Driving is okay when there is little traffic and I know the route by memory. I do not like driving on busy streets or highways and I hate driving on narrow roads or in cluttered urban settings. I also hate, truly despise, highways or freeways without sufficient exits and places to turn around when necessary. I hate driving in Pittsburgh, enough so that I shake and get a headache after passing through the Fort Pitt Tunnel. I hate narrow, enclosed, claustrophobic tunnels. Two lanes, horns sounding, and tailgating. Horrible. Today, we drove to Cranberry. I hated the last trip there and needed two days to recover. I hate the fact beautiful hills are being covered with townhouses. Narrow two-lane roads are trying to accommodate a flood of new arrivals. Yes, the economy in Butler County is doing well, but the roads and spaces were never meant to handle so many people. We planned the trip ahead, knowing I hate the toll booths and most of the Turnpike, which is in a constant state of repa...

I've managed pretty well on my own for the last few months, with some complications, but last night was too much for any one person. For the third time, our basement area took on water. The first two were bad enough, but this was the result of a flash flood, with more than two inches of rain an hour. This morning, you can see the "water line" of debris around the lower level of the house, ranging from four to ten inches. It might be a bit deeper in other spots, but I wasn't going to measure with a ruler. I spent the entire night using a wet/dry shop vac to remove water from the semi-finished living area of the basement. That's where we have stored boxes of our belongings and large items — like a computer, an entertainment center, my CD/DVD collections, etc. Plus, it is where my books and writings are. My writings include my journals from fourth grade until now. Photo albums, yearbooks, and holiday decorations are all in the basement. Our important documents, a...

For the first time in many, many years, things feel somewhat "right" in life. Not great, since I'm still dealing with the loss of J.C. Kitty and the stress of missing my wife until she can join us permanently. But, things are better than they have been in almost two decades. My wife is the most important person in my life, and the last decade has been anything but fair and good to her. Our relationship imploded for a time, in no small part because doctors (of both the medical and mental health variety) had little clue how to address physical and neurological issues. For most of the time we've known each other, I've never felt like I deserved her as a friend, much less as a companion. I wanted her to be happy — and I doubted very much that I could give her the life she deserved. We've lost a fair amount of time and money trying to earn enough to live. I dreamed of earning enough to "pay her back" for all she did. Instead, we went backwards. A comp...

A couple of hours ago, I drove my wife to the airport. She's returning to our home in Minnesota for a few weeks. Her next visit will likely be at the end of September and last only two or three days. This move has been a challenge, especially as we maintain two houses until the previous one sells. I don't mind being somewhat alone, and I definitely prefer to be alone in my office on campus when I'm working, but being without my wife is different. She's my guide and my companion. I don't like Minneapolis, but if she's there, that's where my thoughts are. As I returned home from the airport, a storm rolled into the area with rain, lightning, and wind. It was dark and gloomy — pretty much how I felt on the way home. Today was a day we remember both first responders and those called to serve in the months and years after September 11, 2001. I can't imagine being in the military and serving for months, even a year or more, away from my family. The famil...

My wife is visiting this week, which at least temporarily restores some familiar order to my daily routines. Even before her first visit, I'd already established some routines in and around our new home. One of the "happy things" about the new home is that I can stick to five major roads for everything from getting to work to shopping for groceries. I don't want to learn more roads, and am in no hurry to memorize new paths to anywhere. I drive down an interstate expressway to work. The same expressway takes me to shopping centers or to the streets on which shopping is located. I shop for groceries at two stores. In our previous residence, I preferred one store but shopped at several because cities are like that. Living in a rural area, there is one dedicated grocer and a Super Walmart within a few miles of our house. Those two are our choices and I'm content with that. I can memorize two store layouts and develop my routines. There is one restaurant I really like....

I'd like to introduce Misty. Since moving, I've been shopping at a PetSmart location near the university. For that entire time (a month and a week or two), Misty has been in the adoption cages. Then, last Saturday, I noticed the employees had removed her tag and were sorting some paperwork in a large white three-ringed binder. I asked if someone had adopted Misty. No. She had reached her limit with the Humane Society. Misty arrived in April and August was as long as they could give her. Misty was so calm, quiet, and even "sad" looking that she didn't attract enough attention. She had been turned over to the shelter at the age of two and half, so she isn't a cute little blue-eyed kitten. But she is adorable. She is a beautiful cat, who simply needed a home. Having had an elderly owner, according to the Humane Society, Misty was accustomed to relaxed, slow moving people. The "spunky" kittens around her in other cages would run up and stick ou...

I wouldn't claim that the move to another state has gone smoothly for me or my wife, but it seems to have truly upset the cats more. We worried about that possibility before the move because Pumpkin and Muttley are anxious felines with stressed-out personalities. Pumpkin Kitty (aka PK) is on Prozac and the vet suggested Xanax today. He's not eating well, hiding, and hasn't been in my lap once since the move. Muttley ate tonight, which was nice, but he still wanders about screaming at the top of his little lungs. He used to cry in the old house, too, especially after Momma went to work each morning. He would be anxious around 4 p.m. when she was due home within the hour. Now, he cries and she doesn't arrive. J.C. was diagnosed with cancer the day Momma had to return to her job in another state. He had surgery the next day and seems to be doing well, all things considered. He is eating a little and drinking water. I'm sure his tough time isn't helping PK or Mu...

In the last week, I've managed to go to lunch or dinner four times by myself. That might not seem like a big deal to most people, but it can be a challenge for me to go to new places with my wife, much less by myself. I don't like noise, unusual sounds, some smells, and crowds. So how did I manage to go out and actually enjoy it? First, I went to places within a mile or so of our house. If I felt stressed, I could always head home quickly and I wasn't so far away as to worry about getting lost in a state of panic. Second, I went to eat at times before the "rush" crowds. I ate lunch at 11:30, when most places start service yet most customers haven't arrived. I ate dinner at 4:30, with the same logic in mind. Third, I asked to sit facing the door and windows. This helps me avoid feeling trapped. I ate at an Asian buffet, a little Italian place (with an odd menu mix that strayed far from what I consider Italian), a regional chain diner, and a Mexican re...

I haven't been able to blog this week and might not have much time until next week. I'm on the road, with my wife "holding down the fort" (and the cats) while I'm away. I'll only be home with her for less than 24 hours and then I'm on the road again. I'm exhausted and that's never a good thing. Last night I hit my breaking point. Thankfully, I left the conference hotel three hours before my flight so I could sit here in the airport and relax. Yes, the airport with all its sounds, smells, and vibrations is a better place than the hotel was. Here, I can sit and decompress before the flight. Last night was one of those nights when I was "so over" people, as a friend says. I just wanted to sit in the hotel room and watch "In Plain Sight" and "White Collar." People can be very annoying, especially when they've had drinks. After putting up with the mean-spirited nonsense of someone important for long enough, I quic...

I've taken three cats for rides in the Jeep twice this week while people have toured our house. I hate the idea people are in our house, so I was nominated to take the kids for these trips to the park. Like the cats, I'm not happy about this. Unlike the cats, I at least know the reason we have to leave the house is to help us move to a larger house. Rearranging our possessions bothers me. I like things where I like them. So, after I return from these short drives, I try to restore my sense of order as best I can, while knowing some things need to be packed and hidden. My wife did the house hunting for the new home. She's dealing with strangers in our house. I hate both processes, so it is best that she handled these tasks. I'd want to clean the homes as I toured them. When we looked at homes before moving into our current residence, I hated seeing how little people care for their homes. I like things clean and maintained. The idea people have walked through our ho...

Everyone knows moving is a pain. For weeks before (and weeks after), disarray is the norm. We have boxes about the house, and we've barely started organizing for a long-distance move. In coming weeks, we need to donate, sell, and dispose of as much as we can without parting with anything we'd later miss. Of course, I'm the sort of person to miss anything we leave behind. Coordinating the move is practical logistics: events have to happen in near-perfect order. My wife and I over-plan, and yet we will both feel unprepared until the move is complete. We will worry about every detail between now and August. The cats hated today, which began with two workers installing five new interior doors. I disliked it, too, but it sure was fast and painless versus us doing the work. But, Pumpkin Kitty ("PK") was truly annoyed. I have the two puncture marks on my right hand (thankfully, the less-sensitive hand) where PK bit down and wouldn't let go. He is still hiding several...

My wife is out of town tonight, leaving me alone in the house with the "kids." While I like to be alone at times, I dislike it when I'm not with my wife. I know that we sometimes have to travel for work or family, but I don't like it at all. Our cats are senior citizens. I have to check their medications, make sure they are doing well, and entertain them. That helps, since I have a routine to follow. My wife prepared a checklist, just in case, for the next two days. What time alone does is remind me that I don't want to live apart for months at a time. That was something we considered — me taking a job and living in an apartment until things were settled with our current house. That's not a realistic option. I'd have to be flying back and forth or something, which is expensive. Phone calls and webcams are not the same as holding the cats or being near my wife. I had a donut (apple fritter) for breakfast and a small yogurt for "dinner" tonight. I ...