The Autistic Me

Naps and extra sleep help a little, but after too much social interaction and too much stress, I need some time to compose myself and prepare for yet more socializing. I'm not alone: most introverts experience this same need to recharge alone, in a quiet space. For me, the quiet space isn't silent. It's walking around the track with my wife. It's sitting with a cat in my lap. It could be baking, writing, or engaging in some sort of activity. People confuse my need for "less input" with a desire for "no input." Those are not the same. I actually relax more with my wife and my cats than when I am alone. But, I don't want to be around crowds or in loud spaces. I want to be able to decompress, not experience isolation. This is an incredibly busy year. Teaching two courses, working on three new plays, revising five plays that are in development, and trying to maintain my other to-do items. It's a lot for me, and maybe too much at this mom...

Sometimes, for no good reason, my legs and arms tremor. Okay, there is a good reason (a palsy in one arm, possible damage to a leg) but that doesn't mean I can't be annoyed by the tremors. Last night, my right arm was trembling, starting while we were finishing dinner and continuing after I went to bed. My leg was soon shaking, too. Add in some back cramps and knee pain — not much sleep for me or my wife. I slept on the floor for a few hours, leading me to anticipate next week's arrival of our new living room furniture. My body doesn't respond to my thoughts. Sometimes, I can sit and concentrate until the shaking stops. It is like meditation, focusing on the need to be still. I'm not someone to sit still normally, but still is much better than vibrating when you want to sleep. I have tried various tips to reduce the palsy episodes. For a time, I was on medications for seizures and similar conditions. I can't recall if those medications helped with the t...

I've been working at my computer the last few days, while my limbs are in palsy mode and words take too much effort. When I am tired, it is difficult to control my body. Many autistics I've met tell me the same thing. This is also true for people I know with other physical challenges. I have a history of mild seizures, migraines, palsy, and other annoying physical challenges. And because I'm exhausted, these issues are starting to overwhelm my ability to focus. Worse, my heart sometimes races and "bounces" with an irregular beat under stress. The tingling sensations are unnerving, at best, and keep me on guard. The doctor tells me the tingling is from anemia, for which I've had to receive blood transfusions in the past. My body is often the biggest obstacle to following through with my ideas. Autism seems to come with more than one or two challenges. But, those challenges can be addressed. We can learn to navigate around our bodies, with some help and ef...