The Autistic Me

As a creative writer, I find that a handful of autism advocates dismiss the creativity of HFA/AS individuals as evidence that artists are "really" autistic. These critics suggest that the savants with autism are genuine, but not those of us with careers. Yesterday, I ran across yet another mention of the "Shining Aspie" narrative, and how artists and educators with various diagnoses don't really represent "genuine" autism. Are you an artist? A creative? (And aren't we all "creatives" to some extent?) How do you respond to claims that art, which is emotional and empathetic, represents autistic experiences?

Pencils (Photo credit: snowblink ) Writing well does give one a louder, more effective public voice than other individuals. We know Temple Grandin , Dawn Prince Hughes , Stephen Shore , Lars Perner and others because they are autistics with books. Like most writers, these men and women work with editors, publicists, agents, and others to refine their works and reach out to the public. These are not normal autistic experiences, but they aren't normal experiences for anyone. It isn't that autistics who write memoirs are rare, there are dozens of autistic memoirs and essays in print and in digital forms. But, these are not the voices of all autistics or even most autistics. That's really no different from any other group with a few noted writers or public figures. Writers are unusual, period. Feminist writers don't represent all women. Black writers don't represent all African-Americans or other people of color. Gay writers don't represent the entire LGBT...

As I've been blogging about writing and autism, I have encountered a few books on the same topic. To be blunt, these don't strike me as particularly insightful. In fact, some of the articles and books on autistic students and writing only further the rote memorization of patterns (the dreaded "Five Paragraph Essay") that are used to assess writing for various standardized tests. I'll be the first to suggest that I use patterns and guidelines when I write. But, when the emphasis is on the patterns instead of the content, the wrong lesson is being taught to students. I appreciate that students should understand the genre conventions; grades and test scores matter. Yet, we are letting the conventions become checklists for grades, instead of rewarding creativity and insights. Yes, autistic students have insights and are creative. All students should be striving for creativity and new insights. The problem with inflexible grading rubrics is that students start to...

I have met, in physical and virtual spaces, many autistic creative writers. A good number enjoy fan fiction, some are poets, a few prefer stage and screen, and others write non-fiction — creatively conveying knowledge and experiences. The sheer number of blogs and forums dedicated to autism indicate the community outputs a significant number of words daily. Writing is always a creative act. There are non-verbal writers, and there are loquacious individuals like me. Autistic traits affect communication, presenting some challenges, but autistic writers find ways to adapt. I love writing on paper, but that can be painful. When I cannot write, I type. When I can't type well, I dictate. When I can't dictate, I type… slowly. I consider myself a good writer — not great, but good. That's not false modesty, since I have earned a few acknowledgments for my works. However, I also know my works are far from timeless masterpieces. There are many writers I admire, men and women with...

This semester, I've been working from home on research and projects. That means no driving to campus, no teaching, and no interacting with colleagues on a daily basis. I still respond to email, and I send a few notes, but most of my time is spent alone in my comfy recliner with my MacBook Pro and the television tuned to CNBC or one of the educational channels. I like this arrangement. Working at home is ideal — something I'd love to do permanently. As a writer, that would be pretty great. Though I enjoy teaching, my wife and I both notice that I'm doing much better without having to navigate the workplace. I might miss the classroom, but at the moment I'm not missing anything else about the workplace. My wife also telecommutes. We're both introverts. People exhaust us. I'm positive we're both more productive at home. I work well alone. Give me a task, leave me alone, and I can (sometimes) focus better than in an office. There are distractions (ca...

A new study seems to support the stereotype that autistic students and scholars are drawn to the STEM disciplines.  Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) Participation Among College Students with an Autism Spectrum Disorder , by Wei, Yu, Shattuck, et al, indicates I am not alone in being drawn to the STEM fields. While I love writing, and consider myself a "writer" before most other roles I might have in life, even my writing tends to embrace my "geekhood." I am a geek. When I'm not writing, I'm experimenting with programming tools, new hardware, and reading all I can on websites like Slashdot and Ars Technica . My bookcases reveal my split-personality: books on art theory sit above books on database programming. I tell myself that programming is simply a special form of writing, but few of my colleagues in English or communications would agree. The idea of a programming poet confounds people, especially in an academic world with traditional di...

Autistics aren't the only people who work best when allowed to work alone. Unfortunately, we are most likely to struggle with  The Rise of the New Groupthink . Susan Cain, writing in the New York Times, advocates for solitude and silence. She is the author of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking . Cain is responding to the faddish embrace of the belief that groups are always better than individuals. The Wisdom of Crowds, by James Surowiecki, was published in 2004. Around that time, the idea of "crowdsourcing" took off with various "great minds" embracing this statement: Specialized expertise tends to be over valued. In fact, large groups, structured properly, can be smarter than the smartest member of a group. On average, the wisdom of crowds will come up with a better answer than any individual could provide. Thankfully, Daniel Tammet (see the book Embracing the Wide Sky ) and others have critiqued this statement...

I have always been fascinated by the need for some people to redefine disabilities and differences as gifts, blessings, and strengths. When I was struggling with graduate school, the educational psychologist suggested the book Driven to Distraction . Instead of recognizing attention deficit disorder is a problem, a barrier to academic success, the psychologist was convinced that I had attention deficit and it explained my creative writing and other artistic interests. I am doubtful of such associations, such as popular myths connecting depression, substance abuse, or other mental health issues to artistic genius. I wonder if statistically there truly is a significant correlation between talent and difference. Although we know the many famous stories of depressed or addicted writers and artists, what about the numerous artists no more or less challenged / impaired than the rest of the population? When asked if I believed that my autistic traits contributed to my creativity, my repl...

My wife, amazing person that she is, has been trying to figure out how I might relax and resume writing. I was supposed to write four or more screenplays this year, and I vow that I will. I don't believe I'll be able to write more than four, but I know I can compose four. The problem is that my mind took a hiatus for the last month. Instead of maintaining my normal writing pace, I ended up focused instead on two recent job interviews. I had some bit of hope, a little tiny sliver of hope, approximately a 10 to 15 percent hope, that I might land a full-time job. That is probably reduced to a 5% hope by now, if that, and I keep trying to remind myself that logically the career path was out of my hands. I worked hard to earn interviews, but the economy simply is what it is. By not giving up, I did what I could. I was a finalist for three or four jobs this year, but in the end nothing materialized. The stress of the last two months affected my writing, which was supposed to be...

A simple question as the new year approaches: What path should I take? More importantly, what is best for both my wife and me? I am out of ideas. The past offers lessons of what I should not do, if I pay attention. But what should I do? In general, I'm just annoyed. I feel like the last 20 years have been wasted, professionally. I'm unemployed and overeducated. My wife and our "kids" (the cats) deserve so much better than I've been able to deliver. It seems an inescapable conclusion after 20 years that education is not a field for me, at least not in the humanities. I don't fit politically, philosophically, temperamentally, or in almost any other way within the professions of education. I don't even fit physically or intellectually. I love learning a lot, but that's definitely insufficient in a field dominated more by political views than intellectual curiosity. They say you should learn from the past. There are many years I dislike and will ne...

I haven't had much time for personal writing, even the creative writing I have been pursuing this year. I've made two public speaking appearances this month, both two hours long. Thankfully, one was a panel discussion so I wasn't speaking nearly as much. The academic job hunt has continued, subdued after last year. The applications have also taken a great deal of time. One university required four applications, though all four fell under one job description. I'm certain there's a legal reason for this, but it was a lot of work because they wanted so many documents. Not only did you have to submit the documents online, they asked applicants to mail copies of the documents, too. The main reason I've only managed eight-hour days is that I'm dealing with some medical issues. I am anemic, with severely low hemoglobin and iron levels. Last time this happened, two years ago, I ended up spending Christmas Eve in the hospital getting a blood transfusion. On the posit...

I'm down to five days until my dissertation defense. Following the defense, I should have the doctorate. Grading should be done in the next day or two. Once I turn in final grades, I'm done teaching for a time. This means I really will be done with academia by Tuesday afternoon, shortly after lunch. Today, though, I was too exhausted to do much of anything. I watched television and listened to the radio. My energy level is much lower than it should be. I keep telling myself the degree was for a purpose. Right now, I'm hoping I can use it to give my creative writing some authority. If I ever do teach again, it will be a part-time post related to my creative interests. Once I have a clear mind, I'll offer some general thoughts. I am trying to sort through a great many thoughts and some emotions. It will be nice to be done.

The academic job hunt is over, concluding after 61 applications and near-exhaustion. I did not locate a post at a college or university and do not intend to look again next year. My Ph.D defense is May 11. That, and a handful of remaining conference appearances, will mark the end of my time in academia -- at least until a university invites me to teach based on my creative writing success. That is not sarcasm. I have faith in my writing. Plan A was to complete the Ph.D and locate a tenure-track post, enabling us to have something of a normal life. I'd write and teach. Plan A is inoperative. Plan B was to find work locally, allowing us to save money towards moving back to California. To date, this has proven to be an unsuccessful plan. I have "Monster.com" and Indeed alerts, but this is a lousy job market. Researching teaching K-12 again, I realized that teaching in a state that is closing dozens of schools isn't promising. So, onward… Plan C, the current operational o...

I am on track to receive my Ph.D formally this April or May, depending on university paperwork processing. The dissertation is done, approved by my adviser, and only minor edits remain. The university bureaucracy is certainly navigable, though it is essential to have extra copies of every form on file. Now, I am on the job market as a "Ph.D Pending" (dissertation submitted). As I have previously stated, I am exiting most autism-related research after this academic year. I will continue to write and express my own views, but I have no interest in focusing the next 20 or more years of my life on autism. The debates, mistrust, and even hatred are too much for me to tolerate. The universities with which I have interviewed are hiring writing, new media, and visual design professors. One post includes the potential of teaching a graphical novel seminar, while another is primarily theatre and "rhetoric of performance" in media studies. In a tough, competitive job market, i...

The research for my dissertation indicates many individuals with autism disorders and/or savant abilities view language in terms of patterns and rules. This results in the "stilted" usage, the "little professor" forms of writing and speech. I'm wondering how this also challenges basic assumptions of learning and language. I love patterns. Root words and basic grammar appeal to me. I wish language were more like computer programming, in which a keyword or key phrase has a single meaning and single purpose. No one doubts you can be creative and original with computers, though they are linguistically rigid. The study of Latin would intrigue me for the same reason. Rules are rules. Esperanto also comes to mind. No wonder Tammet and others like to construct languages with rules and patterns. I used to create alphabets and languages -- I even have notebooks with my ideas from fourth and fifth grade. Rules are great because they reduce confusion. Just some thoughts as ...

While working on the research for my dissertation, I have read page after page on writing pedagogy asserting that the goal of a university writing course should be to teach students that knowledge is socially constructed and that "truth" is relative to culture and community. The problem with this assertion is that students with autism and similar conditions (my scrambled brain, apparently), are not relativists. Various researchers (Wellcome 2008, Frith 2001) have found that individuals with these conditions are more logical, unaffected by emotional inputs or rhetorical framing. I've found quite a bit of research on this aspect of brain trauma and autism and am including these findings in my dissertation. If a group of people are "wired" to think there is a "truth" -- that knowledge is not created but discovered and then applied creatively -- who are educational theorists to consider such people "immature" or "simple-minded" in s...

My doctoral committee is meeting next week as I head towards completion of my dissertation in the coming months. The focus of my final dissertation revision is changing slightly to accommodate my new plans in life. Originally, my focus was on language acquisition, especially written language, among individuals with autism. I adjusted my research to study secondary and post-secondary students with autism and their struggles with written language. Now, I'm going to shift away from that emphasis to focus more on creative writing. I am fascinated by fMRI images and studies of neurolinguistics. I have immersed myself in the science and theory of linguistics, from neural network theories to combination theories. The brain is an amazing thing. But, it is time to leave such things behind for my own sanity. My Ph.D is going to be in "Rhetoric, Scientific and Technical Communication," I have added a specialty in general writing pedagogy so I might teach creative writing...

I'm definitely leaving any and all cognitive research related to autism behind after 2010. I'm shifting back towards creative writing and, hopefully, new media rhetoric. I'm hoping to find a university where I can work on my poetry, scripts, and novels. Research is interesting, but the public conflict isn't. (If you wanted to be hated, be a major league umpire or an autism researcher.) The "autism debates" are both political and belief driven, only tangentially based on any real understanding of the sciences involved. The "reporters" covering science often either misunderstand or twist research results. Researchers do use a strange language. I admit that it confounds the public. I've tried, too many times, to explain that I could rarely, if ever, prove anything. The best I can do as a researcher is disprove other potential causes. Research, statistically, simply finds "Other potential causes for X are less likely than hypothesis A." We ...

For those not familiar with my research focus, I study the communications skills of teens and adults with autism. My particular interest is original compositions by those diagnosed with autism. This research leads me to study language, neurology, psychology, and more. Neurolinguistics are important, for example, but I never assume that "composition" must refer to written or spoken language. We have elevated the printed word far beyond what seems reasonable to me -- most communication is non-textual. This summer I have a funded project to study online expression created by and/or for people with autism spectrum disorders. I have studied at least 100 sites, now. Many of these are blogs, a major form of online self-expression. Others are communities with online forums. I will be writing about my findings in August, after I generate statistical reports on my observations. Ethically, it would be incorrect to discuss any "findings" until my research is complete and review...

This week there is a major national conference on campus, sponsored by the academic department in which I (in theory) reside. However, either I missed the announcements or didn't understand them earlier this academic year. So, while other graduate students and instructors are meeting administrators from across the nation, I will be doing other things. I'm not sure if that's a positive or a negative. Honestly, I wasn't sure about my schedule this summer, so I probably would not have volunteered to help at the conference or registered to present a paper. In fact, I did have a medical procedure last week that included minor surgery and a biopsy. I knew that summer would be busy. On the negative side, I do realize networking and making contacts is important. The problem is that I am never comfortable in social settings. I do much better with a formal interview than trying to make a good impression in an unstructured setting. Since I am looking for a professorship next year ...