The Autistic Me

Naps and extra sleep help a little, but after too much social interaction and too much stress, I need some time to compose myself and prepare for yet more socializing. I'm not alone: most introverts experience this same need to recharge alone, in a quiet space. For me, the quiet space isn't silent. It's walking around the track with my wife. It's sitting with a cat in my lap. It could be baking, writing, or engaging in some sort of activity. People confuse my need for "less input" with a desire for "no input." Those are not the same. I actually relax more with my wife and my cats than when I am alone. But, I don't want to be around crowds or in loud spaces. I want to be able to decompress, not experience isolation. This is an incredibly busy year. Teaching two courses, working on three new plays, revising five plays that are in development, and trying to maintain my other to-do items. It's a lot for me, and maybe too much at this mom...

I am not shy, as most people who get to know me soon realize. I am, however, something of an introvert and selective when it comes to interactions. If I am interested in a person or a topic, it's easy to recognize that I overcome any social anxiety and engage. I narrowly focus, though, often to the point of ignoring other people or social niceties. If I'm talking about anything of interest to me, I am consumed by that topic at that moment. Nothing else registers. Yes, I like to hide in corners and avoid crowds. But, that does not mean I am shy — it means I know my limitations and how uncomfortable I can make people. I can be intense when discussing my interests, so it is often best not to talk to anyone in a new setting. I find it safest to avoid public gatherings and group situations; they are seldom enjoyable or of interest to me. When they are of interest to me, I don't navigate the social aspects well at all. I miss the non-verbal signals of when to move on, wh...

When parents try to understand autistic children, they make a simple mistake: they assume social desires and needs are universals. A parent recently said something that puzzled me. "When I think about how lonely my child must be…" Has your son or daughter said he or she is lonely? If not, that's a big, big assumption. I'm taking some liberty, but a recent email from a parent serves as a good illustration, too. I am reworking this slightly: "Trying to imagine my son's thoughts, I tear myself to pieces over what must be going on in there. I worry that he might be experiencing great emotional pain. I keep asking him, and he assures me he is not." There you have it. Trust the autistic or the introvert (or both) if he or she is content being alone. You can be alone, and not lonely. The problem for parents it that most people do define success and happiness via relationships (and a job). My best relationships are with my wife, my sister, and my mo...

People are curious about relationships and autism; the questions asked most often when I appear before groups are about relationships. I've attempted to answer a few questions on this blog, but I never feel like I'm offering many insights. In a world in which most marriages fail and relationships seem to be transitory, I don't believe we can "blame" autistic traits for relationship issues. What we can do is recognize how autism and other forms of atypical neurology/personality do affect us and our relationships. Still, I caution readers that what I am offering is more general than "autism" and probably applies to every relationship at some time. Caveats stated, I believe the greatest challenge in my relationship with my wife is the sense that I'm unworthy of her friendship, loyalty, and companionship. The Susan is calmer, quieter, more focused, a faster reader, a better student, a much better employee… and on and on when compared to me. She has ...

This semester, I've been working from home on research and projects. That means no driving to campus, no teaching, and no interacting with colleagues on a daily basis. I still respond to email, and I send a few notes, but most of my time is spent alone in my comfy recliner with my MacBook Pro and the television tuned to CNBC or one of the educational channels. I like this arrangement. Working at home is ideal — something I'd love to do permanently. As a writer, that would be pretty great. Though I enjoy teaching, my wife and I both notice that I'm doing much better without having to navigate the workplace. I might miss the classroom, but at the moment I'm not missing anything else about the workplace. My wife also telecommutes. We're both introverts. People exhaust us. I'm positive we're both more productive at home. I work well alone. Give me a task, leave me alone, and I can (sometimes) focus better than in an office. There are distractions (ca...

A recent comment on the blog noted how fortunate I am to have my best friend as my wife. We spend a lot of time together, which isn't easy for some couples. My wife and I work from home most of the time, so we have lunch together and we take turns tending to our cats' needs. For days at a stretch, we might be the only other people we see face-to-face. My wife is an introvert. She likes to sit on the couch by the fireplace, a cat in her lap while she reads a book. During the summer, she wants to tend a garden and take photos of the parks we visit. The reason we live well together is that neither of us has a compulsion to visit large, crowded cities or places. We are both content to live in a semi-rural area that meets our basic needs. There are some good restaurants, easy access to shopping, and several nice parks. I tend to need out of the house more often than my wife, but my destinations are simple: bookstores, parks, and a few favorite restaurants. She indulges my re...

I am cross-posting this blog because it overlaps issues important to the autism community, rhetoric instructors, and those teaching with technology. It is a personal issue, for me, and one that reminds me how apart from "normal" society and dominant pedagogies I am as someone with a neurological challenge. The following contains generalities, and there are always exceptions to generalities. But, my experiences and those of adults with cognitive differences I have interviewed do support my claims. Contrary to what some might assume, many teachers in the humanities (though certainly not all) are extroverts. I've found the opposite is true in most science and technology fields, with the introverts outnumbering the extroverts. Statistically, there are personality traits that dominate various disciplines. There are political views that dominate, too. There are scholarly studies of the political views of professors (Gross and Simmons, 2007) and personality types within dis...