The Autistic Me

I learned in Minneapolis that congested freeways and surface streets can contribute to migraines — fairly quickly, too. Since I lived in Los Angeles, and I happen to like driving there, I've been struggling to explain why some cities give me a headache and others do not. In a previous post, I explained that I like grid-based cities. But, that alone isn't enough to explain the migraine triggers. Los Angeles is not a great grid and the traffic is notoriously slow. Los Angeles drivers deal with mountains and coastline. The "grid" of L.A. is messy, but navigable for some reason. My wife noticed that it might be the attitudes of drivers. In Los Angeles, despite the city's image, drivers have been fairly nice. The infamous ramp from I-5 to State 110 (Golden State to Harbor Freeway) near Dodger Stadium is actually not bad after my experiences in other cities. As you exit 5, traffic is two lanes. (I long ago learned to use the "merge lane" as long as possi...

I've been working at my computer the last few days, while my limbs are in palsy mode and words take too much effort. When I am tired, it is difficult to control my body. Many autistics I've met tell me the same thing. This is also true for people I know with other physical challenges. I have a history of mild seizures, migraines, palsy, and other annoying physical challenges. And because I'm exhausted, these issues are starting to overwhelm my ability to focus. Worse, my heart sometimes races and "bounces" with an irregular beat under stress. The tingling sensations are unnerving, at best, and keep me on guard. The doctor tells me the tingling is from anemia, for which I've had to receive blood transfusions in the past. My body is often the biggest obstacle to following through with my ideas. Autism seems to come with more than one or two challenges. But, those challenges can be addressed. We can learn to navigate around our bodies, with some help and ef...

I'm in a lot of pain lately. Extreme pain, causing a noticeable limp, slouch, and squint. I've already been to a doctor and know what the issues are. I have two bone spurs in my left foot (sole and ankle) as well as a "wrinkle" in my right eye (again). The eye is out of focus, even with my glasses, and hurts. The result is headaches and migraines, which cause lights to seem yellow and other strange tricks on my mind. The foot is like having nails shoved to the bone. Obviously, it is hard to be "fun" and people friendly in such discomfort. To be blunt, I don't want to deal with anyone right now. I want the pain to go away. It isn't easy to teach, standing for 90 minutes, while wanting to scream in agony. Walking from my Jeep to my classroom and office is a miserable journey. I'm taking painkillers, but they wear off about mid-class. Maybe things will be better in a few months. I need to get into the doctors and address these issues over the s...

The brain is amazing. It's both fragile and resilient. While researching written language and autism for my doctoral degree, I learned a small fraction of what scientists now understand regarding language cognition. The question I had, and one many others have, is why some autistics are good at written or symbolic language communication, but have either limited verbal abilities or are non-verbal? How can someone write and not speak? Why would someone prefer sign language or pictographs to speaking, especially if he or she can speak? The simplified answer: language is not one thing. Language that is seen is not the same as language that is spoken and heard. Symbolic language and auditory language differ. Braille involves yet another form of language cognition. Somehow, our brains manage to connect and decipher several different "languages" we experience. Most people can "read" postures, expressions, icons, symbols, colors, sounds, gestures, vocal tones, spo...

My goal with the new year was to be a bit more entertaining as a writer. It is hard to think about being entertaining when I'm sitting on a "gel pad" cushion with one foot elevated and typing with one eye closed. Any humor at that point is unintentional. I'm not doing well this week. Something is wrong with my left foot, so I'm limping again. I used the cane last night. My right eye isn't working either. With headaches, back and shoulder pain, blood loss, and more, I need a break. Pain won Tuesday night. I crashed and didn't crawl out of bed until 11 am on Wednesday. It is frustrating when my body fails me because the pain starts to interfere with thinking clearly. I tolerate the physical limits until my body interferes with my mind. Thinking trumps walking or seeing perfectly. I can deal with a limp. I cannot stand to sense my mind is clouded and unable to focus. I never like it when medications make my mind feel slow, and I really dislike it when p...

Driving is okay when there is little traffic and I know the route by memory. I do not like driving on busy streets or highways and I hate driving on narrow roads or in cluttered urban settings. I also hate, truly despise, highways or freeways without sufficient exits and places to turn around when necessary. I hate driving in Pittsburgh, enough so that I shake and get a headache after passing through the Fort Pitt Tunnel. I hate narrow, enclosed, claustrophobic tunnels. Two lanes, horns sounding, and tailgating. Horrible. Today, we drove to Cranberry. I hated the last trip there and needed two days to recover. I hate the fact beautiful hills are being covered with townhouses. Narrow two-lane roads are trying to accommodate a flood of new arrivals. Yes, the economy in Butler County is doing well, but the roads and spaces were never meant to handle so many people. We planned the trip ahead, knowing I hate the toll booths and most of the Turnpike, which is in a constant state of repa...

Tonight my wife told me that she has been experiencing stress, worrying about my health from afar. I have been having some minor health issues for the last month or so. Experience has taught us that I am not good at recognizing how serious an issue is or is not. I did go to a "minute clinic" after a week of coughing, and was diagnosed with bronchitis. However, other health problems have continued and I am set to see a doctor next week. One of the serious issues facing families of adults with autism is how to help an autistic person recognize and deal with health related issues. Because I am always in physical pain and discomfort is a constant in my life, it is challenging for me to recognize when a pain is something important. I have severe back pain and was even in a back brace as a teenager. I also have other injuries dating back to birth which cause shoulder and hip pain. For as long as I can remember, I have had headaches and migraines. With my complicated physical si...

I was asked about my diet again, a question that seems to be asked about a third of the time when I discuss autism with groups. This inevitably leads to parents (and some support providers) starting to argue about the various "treatments" such as the gluten free diets or pressure chambers. Yes, I've been asked if I've tried everything from "detox" procedures to special pads you stand on to "drain heavy metals" from your body. My blunt answer on diets? You do not want to take away my chocolate, processed sugar, and don't even dream of touching my pasta dinners. I'd rather die young than give up my favorite foods. My favorite foods are all "bad" for me, which is why I don't eat pasta or chocolate cake every night. Caffeine makes me sleepy, as does too much sugar, so my wife is more than content to have me drink a mocha before bedtime. Personally, I prefer to stick to herbal teas with honey or Splenda. I do not get caffeine m...

Inadvertent disclosure happens, I was reminded tonight. Because I've been on the road, I've been using several email accounts, usually based on which "webmail" solution was working best. What I forgot was that my Yahoo account was being used primarily for autism mailing lists and groups, not for anything else. So, by using my Yahoo email, the signature with links to this blog was included. Now, a mailing list that has nothing to do with autism has links to this blog. An interesting question arises, and one I'm not sure how to address — or if it is worth addressing. I do know that at least two people followed the link from my email to the blog, but no idea which two. That does matter, since some people are more understanding than others. I believe most of the men and women on that list would understand traumatic brain injuries, such as occurred at my birth, along with the other injuries that might (and only might) contribute to the traits categorized as HFA. Other...

I have posted a follow-up to clarify "The Mediocre" for myself and others.  See " Who Are The Mediocre People? " The essence of the latest "Ask a Question" submission: What has been the biggest challenge for you in the adult life? http://theautisticme.blogspot.com/p/ask-question.html I've had a few weeks to ponder this, but a recent incident comes to mind and I think it encapsulates the greatest challenge from my perspective. There are bullies in adulthood. They try to ruin you to make themselves feel better. Bullies are those people who don't want to understand my challenges or anyone else's challenges. They want to dismiss me as "strange" or "weird" and ignore any responsibility they might have for creating overwhelming situations. People can be mean, pushy, aggressive, and generally rude. Such attitudes exhaust me. Eventually, the rude person wins, and I have to leave the situation. I can't handle pushy people,...

Okay, here's the last bit I'm going to share online from my 2006 "re-assessment" that was requested for the University of Minnesota Graduate School. Remember you are reading an excerpt from my upcoming book, not the full chapter. However, your questions and suggestions will help me craft a better book. And yes, I am still reminding visitors that my book A Spectrum of Relationships is available from the two biggest online bookstores for $2.99. I appreciate how supportive readers of this blog have been. Dealing with the Assessment (and Some Denial) The Doctors Conclude…  Neuropsychologically, S. presents with a complex history, driven by significant physical trauma at birth. He does have a seizure disorder (which is treated medically). Imaging reveals specific left frontal and temporal lobe injury. A progressive neurological disorder is not ruled out. Characteristics of high-functioning autism, resulting from the brain trauma, are apparent.    I’ve had a few sca...

If you have wondered what a formal evaluation for autism is like, now you can read one. From my current book project, this my reflection on the formal assessment I received in 2006. The assessment is eleven pages, so there will be several posts including my comments. A reminder that my overview of social connections and the autistic experience, A Spectrum of Relationships , is available on Amazon's Kindle store and the BN.com Nook store. What follows below is from my next project . On Monday, December 4, 2006, my wife and I returned to the psychologists’ offices for the results of my assessment. My wife was already certain of the assessment results, while I was unsure of what to hope for. If something was “wrong” with me, would it be something horrible? If nothing was “wrong” then did that imply a different issue? It would be as disconcerting to have nothing diagnosed as to have something diagnosed.  We were led into the lead psychologist’s office. Near her desk, relaxing ...

It's no secret I have a deep disdain for the mental health professions, based on my personal experiences and observations. My work with families and students also reinforces my suspicions that too many support professionals don't understand the autistic experience, including those professionals supposedly specializing in autism. My most recent blog entry on the topic was: Autism Therapies and The Autistic Individual http://theautisticme.blogspot.com/2011/06/autism-therapies-and-autistic.html One of the readers of my blog sent a note that included the following: "Your experiences were in the 1970s and 80s. Things have changed. You don't know what is done now for autistics." My last individual appointment with a counselor specializing in autism was in late November 2006. That is not ancient history. I also had a follow-up evaluation in early 2007 during which the psychiatrist was condescending, critical, and inattentive to anything I was trying to explain to her. (I...

I maintain several blogs, all started as part of a class project some years ago. (See Four Years as an Autism Blogger for the history.) One of the things you have to accept when writing in public forums is that some people will feel compelled to insult and attack an author instead of his or her writings. Also, you have to accept that though you are writing from one perspective (which should be painfully obvious to all readers) someone will be upset that you don't share his or her perspective. These are the "whatever" moments of writing, especially of blogging. I write a monthly column for a regional magazine. The column has nothing to do with autism or special education. I write on technology issues. But, as any technologist will affirm, technology preferences and biases are accompanied by a religious fervor. Armies of zealots, the true believers, will descend on any writer daring to question their beloved operating system, hardware, application, or programming langu...