The Autistic Me

The wedding vows are complete - you may now kiss the bride. (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) When I talk to groups, the three lines of questions are generally: school , workplace, and relationship . There are plenty of books and experts on the school issues. Plenty of debates, too. Whatever you want to believe, there's probably an "expert" with that opinion. As an educator, I have plenty to say on the subject of school and being different. As with school, there is an abundance of expert opinion for parents, educators, and autistics regarding success in the workplace. Again, I have strong opinions and most of those are related to the social aspects of school and work dominating our culture. "Emotional intelligence" is given too much weight, in my view, as we judge introverts , creative individualists, and anyone not charming as being somehow defective. We've made introversion a disability — or at least a professional liability. But, the questions tha...

English: Love question (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) Visitors have asked why the blog doesn't deal more with personal issues like romance, marriage, children. There's not much to "teach" other people. My advice to autistics is to stop trying to please everyone else and find your own social network. In that social network, you might (or might not) find friendships and love. If you don't have friends, you definitely won't find love. I am a believer in friendships helping us cope with life. Before I removed the Q&A section on the blog site, the majority of questions I received were about relationships / dating. Basically, "How can my son / daughter have a 'normal' social life and find love?" I tired of the question because 1) there is no one answer and 2) many of the autistics corresponding with me hated the pressure to find "love" and didn't want parental help with romance! Though I have a short ebook available on t...

When I'm asked to speak or answer email questions about sex, my first question is: "What about relationships? Friendship? Dating?" I don't understand the interest in "sex" without exploring the social skills that (typically) lead to sexual encounters. My personal opinion, however old-fashioned, is that we should encourage relationships and the skills necessary to maintain those relationships. The challenge is that sexual activity has always and will always occur outside relationships, so we need to balance the need to educate students with the need to encourage more healthy interpersonal connections. I've had autistic young people and adults tell me, "I want sex." What about relationships? "I don't know. Maybe. But I want sex." It's hard to explain to a college student aware of "hook-ups" among peers that those casual sexual adventures are still complex social interactions. I hear my students talk about ...

Sex (Photo credit: danielito311 ) "Did you fool around in college?" the parent asked. "I suppose. I missed classes once or twice. And I liked to go to the beach." "No, I meant… fool around  with girls." Parents stumble into this question more ways than I could have anticipated when I started to write and speak about autism and education. No answer I can offer based on personal experience can capture what another college student might experience. Every student is different. I entered college as an honors student, with all the "geekiness" that implies. I was also socially awkward in general, as readers of this blog can appreciate. During college, I lived in a special residence hall with faculty members living among students as mentors. It was not a "normal" experience, I recognize. Some gifted students, some autistic students, are charming and will have active social lives. That is likely to include normal sexual experien...

English: Temple Grandin at a book signing at Rochester Community and Technical College in Rochester, Minnesota (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) Autism support specialist Heather Conroy ( http://www.hconroyconsulting.com ) and I are working on several short "pocket guides" for young adults on the autism spectrum. Our first guide, which we hope to have to publishers later this year, deals with sexuality and relationship in a frank (blunt!) way. While I strongly disagree with some claims in this article, I have dealt with autistics (male and female ) with obsessive online habits (usually gaming, but often in other ways, too). Stories like the following are why our book and others are needed by autistics, families, and support providers: Autism and Child Pornography: A Toxic Combination - The Daily Beast Aug 5, 2013 4:45 AM EDT  It’s a disturbing trend we cannot ignore. Eustacia Cutler, mother of autism advocate Temple Grandin, on why autistic men are viewing child pornogr...

English: Romance icon (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) The Autism Society conference, recently concluded in Pittsburgh, PA. During the conference, I appeared on a panel that dealt with general life issues. After the panel, parents and young adults approached me with questions. Every question, without exception, dealt with relationships. Nothing about education, careers, or life skills. No, every question was about relationships, from friendships to dating and beyond. Though a great number of books have now appeared, including several on dating, love, and sexuality, there seems to be an endless demand for answers. If not answers, families and individuals at least want to discuss these issues. As I've written before, I'm not sure what I can contribute to these discussions. I still believe some basic guides to dating and relationships are better than the "autistic" guides. Relationships are complex for everyone, or those bookshelves wouldn't be packed in every bo...