The Autistic Me

The thing I want most... sleep. I want at least a routine cycle of sleep, regardless of the hours. Instead, I sleep randomly and it annoys me. I'm exhausted much of the time when I am awake. To sleep... perchance to dream! I spent the last few hours learning about a database tool. I experiment with technology when I cannot sleep. Really, I should be writing or focusing a lot more on other projects. I have a long enough list of projects that nothing new should be allowed. I need a lot more focus when I am awake. The "ADD/ADHD" label enters my mind at these hours. What if the diagnosis of ADD/ADHD was correct years ago? Was I any more or less productive with that label? With the medications? I don't remember. Too many things I do not remember. I want focus. I want to finish projects.

The following is the latest in a sudden "bubble" of stories about autism and access to spaces: churches, schools, and now airplanes. I have kept only the major sections of the story and suggest reading the ABC report. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=5238571&page=1 Autistic Boy and Mom Kicked Off Plane Mother Says Flight Crew Should Have Been More Understanding By STEPHANIE DAHLE and JONANN BRADY June 25, 2008 —  There were no weapons on board or concerns about terrorism, but an American Eagle flight about to take off from the Raleigh-Durham, N.C., airport was turned back to its gate on Monday to remove two passengers.  The culprits? An upset, autistic toddler and his mother.  By all accounts, two-year-old Jarret Farrell wasn't a happy traveler. But his mother, Janice Farrell, who said she tried everything to calm her son, believes there was no reason for the airline to kick them off the plane. Okay, so far the headline and the story make a clear case for n...

The first weekend of June we headed for the Como Zoo and Conservatory, in St. Paul. We went to see butterflies and flowers, which we did. But it isn't images of butterflies I keep seeing at night. Instead, it is a person I keep seeing. She was thin, much too thin... Her face was older than her age, Thin blond hair, straight and shoulder length Shorts and tank-top, basic denim and pastels Painted nails, feet and hands a midnight blue And scars. On her right arm, patterns and shapes, On her left arm, lines of various widths Scars. They burned into my eyes, Like looking into bright lights everywhere I looked I saw her scars I wanted to talk to her, to ask her questions Is it feeling too much or feeling too little That makes us want pain? She was familiar, this random stranger With her scars And I keep seeing her, wondering about her She will be alright, I tell myself Perfectionism gone awry? Anger kept silent? Pain beyond words? Or simply scars...

I wish I could say I am shocked... but I'm not. The announcement below is probably going to become the norm. Minnesota: leading the way in autism acceptance, I suppose. Special Supports to be Discontinued The University of Minnesota is terminating the Strategic Education for Asperger Students pilot program. The University of Minnesota is announcing this change in disability services effective June, 2008. This change will affect all students registered for services related to ADD/ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome, High-Functioning Autism, and PDD-NOS. With the SEAS pilot program ended, the University has decided that DS specialists should work with students only on academic accommodations (extended test time, notetaker, etc). Specialists can no longer work with students as they have with SEAS. I have been told the basic implications could include: The end of scheduled appointments (no longer meeting weekly or monthly) No special support for other issues like time management, so...

The raw text of my presentation for the Autism Society of Minnesota state convention, Surviving the College Years, is now online at: http://www.autisticplace.com/wiki I am speaking tomorrow afternoon, but attending the conference for most of the day. My hope is to promote both The Autistic Place and my individual Web pages, within reason. I am hopeful that I can reach out to more students online than I ever could via public speaking — which is something I find stressful. My airline reservations are also set for the ASA convention, where I will be speaking July 11, I believe.

Update 20 Jan 2011 : I have written on the origins and evolution of the puzzle piece logo .   Ribbons and wristbands are a fairly poor way to indicate interest in a cause. When there is a dedicated color of ribbon or wristband for every issue or cause, none of the rainbow matters. A chest full of ribbons, aligned in some proto-military fashion, seems ludicrous. So, one more ribbon should matter. But it does. The Autism Awareness campaign uses either a puzzle-piece pattern or a tie-dye pattern with purple dominant. For some reason, these do bother me more than the dozens (hundreds?) of ribbons we are supposed to associate with causes. Autistic individuals are puzzles? They are distorted, psychedelic minds? Exactly what is the message? Not that all people aren't puzzles, but to think one group is any more puzzling is a curious claim. How does this promote understanding? The claim that we are all part of the greater puzzle... no, a puzzle is a mystery. The message...

I probably don't express it often enough, and certainly not well enough, but I am lucky to have a wife who is also my best friend and the reason I haven't given up while in Minnesota. Somedays are really tough on me, which means they are even tougher on her. I have wanted to quit and return home to California throughout most of this semester. But I'm here to eventually give her the life she deserves. She certainly deserves a break after helping me through two graduate programs.