The Autistic Me

As the school year begins, I am preparing for a series of presentations and updating more of the AutismWiki in parallel. I believe these resources will be helpful to students, over time. I started rewriting my manuscript, as well. It won't take a lot of effort to adjust some things that will result in a much better text. As more students classified as "on the spectrum" prepare to enter college, the information and experiences I can contribute should be of interest to a publisher, as well.

This weekend hasn't gone well, from mid-Friday or so onward. Maybe earlier. My left eye is definitely out of focus, possibly causing my headaches and worse. I have made an emergency appointment to see the optometrist or whatever the "O.D." is at the university health clinic on Monday afternoon. I cannot keep fighting my eyesight, especially if that is the cause of my migraines. I was invited to interview for an after school science program in St. Paul. I was excited, but the weekend stresses and the general hassles of my upcoming schedule may require that I decline the interview. The university is unsure where my office will even be this year. Annoying. I thought part of my problem was a lack of social contact and mental stimulation. Being home alone day after day is taking a toll on me, but I also don't do well outside of the house in this relatively urban setting. I admit it — I want to be near malls and strip centers. I miss huge bookstores with ca...

Saturday was a bad day. That should be read in a deep voice by James Earl Jones for effect. It was that kind of bad day. For much of the summer I have had horrible headaches. These are definitely migraines, as my vision is as if the brightness were set to maximum, with no contrast. They have increased in severity over time, seeming to correlate to any physical pain. The more I hurt, the more likely to have one of these strange headaches. Being at home, when the headaches reach the peak of my tolerance I have the option of resting. If I fall asleep for a few minutes on the couch or sitting on my bed, no one is going to complain. As a news junkie, I'll be the first to admit that the cable news is repetitive and probably does put people to sleep. At least that was my logic until today. Now, I'm not sure sure I'm simply "falling asleep" when I have the headaches. Maybe I was just tired. In the afternoons, "Closing Bell" started seem strange. The f...

Whether I consider my oddities "autistic" or "birth trauma" (I vote for "complex entry into life"), I am certainly not normal. My wife will attest to this. Parents of special education students ask if I would want to be "cured" of my oddities. This question is one with which I struggle, since I both value my abilities and curse my lack of social skills. If being "normal" would mean that I must surrender some of my skills, then I would not be me. To not be gifted, a loaded word I admit, means to surrender analytical skills I value and admire in others. I admire scientists. I admire men and women solving problems with thought and through experimentation. I don't like the idea of being as ignorant and sloppy as the people I encounter. I also have no desire to be as slick and manipulative as the most successful people I have met. I'd rather be honest and know myself. I believe there is a point at which great salesman loses...

I have hated this summer. I resent the house because working on it causes way too much physical pain for too little progress. I hate using the sink in the bathroom, as it reminds me of the time and pain wasted on a sink that still isn't to code. I hate the kitchen, with various things incomplete or missing. I really despise the hallway, where there's no flooring and the open closet is a mess from water damage. The house is much too small "per floor" since I can no longer use the stairs without wanting to scream in pain. This means my exercise bike, many books, my desk, and much of my writings are out of reach for me. I'm not about to use the stairs if I can avoid them. It was bad enough on my back for the three weeks essential items were downstairs. I want a house that is "normal" to my experiences: a nice, Southwest-style home with a single large floor. No stairs. An attached garage, too. The location bothers me. A lot. I hate driving any more...