Skip to main content

Never-ending Projects

Completing tasks is a real challenge for me. This is definitely why I was diagnosed with ADHD years before high-functioning autism became the official label for my odd mix of traits. ADHD with seizures, repetitive movements, and a long list of other ill-fitting characteristics.

I have a lot of incomplete projects dating back more than two decades. I also have many completed projects I never seriously tried to publish or distribute. In other words, I do a lot of writing, sketching, programming, and planning without following through to the expected conclusion.

What's strange is that I do complete, with a lot of anxiety from a perfectionist streak, school work, magazine columns, grant applications, handouts for my students, and projects assigned by other employers. So, it isn't everything I don't complete... just the projects I seem to really want to complete for myself. My perfectionism is limited (somewhat) by deadlines, but when there is no deadline, I never stop reworking a project.

Perfectionism is unhealthy.

I outlined a series of science fiction stories in the fifth grade. I have all the notes from fifth grade through the present. I start writing the stories, get depressed with the results, and restart. I'm not a science fiction / fantasy reader because I find flaws in the stories. I want to write something that is impossible to write, of course. Novels, regardless of genre, contain minor errors, but anything scientific is going to be especially challenging to perfect. I should just write, be done with one of the novels, and move ahead.

I've done no better with my start-stop-start over crime novels or thrillers. I complete something... then decide it should be rewritten. More often, I reach the half-way mark and start again, as if 60,000 words or more should be tossed aside.

Now, I do complete some stories. In fact, I've completed a lot of short stories, theatrical scripts, and lots of poetry. But, I don't do anything with those works, either, because I wonder how good they really are. Self-doubts eventually win and I do nothing with the works.

I've tried weekly deadlines for myself, writers groups, and having a student edit my works. Nothing seems to counter the pattern of starting over too often. I'm hoping this changes someday.

It's sad that I can be amazingly productive and end up canceling out my efforts with panic.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Comments violating the policies of this blog will not be approved for posting. Language and content should be appropriate for all readers and maintain a polite tone. Thank you.

Popular posts from this blog

Autistic Burnout

Summer demands a lot of social energy, especially for parents. For autistics, the never-ending social calendar of summer can cause serious autistic burnout. Host C. S. Wyatt discusses his need to find a balance between social demands and self-care. Check out this episode!
Post a Comment
Read more

ABA and NARTH

There must be something better out there. I'm not sure what, but the more I interview functional adults with autism who received ABA-based or similar therapies, the more I know there must be a better approach. The problem is, I have no idea what that "better approach" is. I'm not a psychologist. I'm a language arts and autism specialist. My research is on how autistic students learn to master written communication (which doesn't really mean "written" in all cases). I am not a therapist. I am not a counselor. But there has to be a better way to help students and young children. I am not suggesting all ABA-based therapies in use today are bad. I sincerely believe ABA must be revised, researched, and ideally all connections to anything Lovaas did forgotten to history. I'd even like to see whatever evolution occurs to have a name other than "ABA-based therapy." The history and associations are that troubling. So, understand I'm ca...
19 comments
Read more

Kumar and Amit Ramlall

Recorded 13 October 2023 The Chintan Project empowers businesses to discover their larger purpose, draw strength from the challenges they face, and leverage their unique offering to impact the world. https://www.chintanproject.com Amit Chintan Ramlall, Autistic Polymath and Consultant Dr. Kumar Ramlall, Medical Doctor and Father of Amit Pratima Ramlall, Ph.D., Scientist and Mother of Amit Pratima and Kumar decided to name their son: “Amit” meaning Infinite in Sanskrit, and “Chintan” meaning Thinking. Dr. Kumar Ramlall, CEO and Co-Founder Chintan Project “The Human Behavior Advisors” The Autistic Me: Blog:  https://www.tameri.com/autisticme/ Podcast:  https://autisticme.libsyn.com/neurodiversity Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/autisticme/ Twitter:  https://twitter.com/autisticme YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/c/CSWyatt LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/autisticme   Check out this episode!
Post a Comment
Read more