Skip to main content

Struggling, with Hope

I need routines, and this school year (as well as the move to the Midwest in general) has already been playing havoc with my routines. Plus, I simply don't like the claustrophobia I am experiencing in the city.

Today was tough. I held on as long as I could, but eventually my body gave out an hour before my last class ended. Maybe it was even sooner than that. I was starting to bloat, which I've never understood but think might relate to pain. I get an upset stomach, acidic and burning, so there must be a correlation. I was shaking, had a headache, and felt lousy overall. I just wanted to get off campus and eat something non-spicy.

The way I try to make it through each day is by telling myself that eventually I won't be here. I'll be back in what I consider normal.

I want my dinner at 5 or 6, not 8:30 p.m. twice a week. That's hard on my system. I want to sleep eight hours more than two days a week. I want merge lanes longer than the width of an overpass. I want to see the Pacific Ocean at least once a summer, ideally several times.

I want my radio programs from various states back. I miss Denver, Los Angeles, Phoenix, San Diego, and other A.M. stations, but the Internet is helping a little — assuming I want to keep a laptop running merely for radio shows. (The radio in Minnesota stinks. The
shows are stranger than an Art Bell marathon.)

Television shows will be at the "right" time and not "Tomorrow at 9, 8 Central!" Forget that. I hate thinking of time shifts every time I hear a schedule on radio or TV. I want to think the announcer is talking to me, not announcing my time zone as an afterthought.

I'm tired, which doesn't help, but I also know that not having my routines is making things worse than they would normally be. Not that they were great in California, but they are worse here. I'm tense all the time, counting down months until I can leave.

What is sad is that I'd be lonely anywhere. Here, it's just a lack of places to be alone without feeling lonely. There's something reassuring about the foothills and country roads back home. Darkness. Seeing the Milky Way. Knowing I can clear my mind, away from the city.

Mostly, I just want a schedule that lets me relax a few hours each day, during the day. I'm struggling, but I keep telling myself that some day soon, I'll be home again. I don't mean one place, but I means the West Coast. Home where I can hear my radio programs. Home where TV times are when shows really air. Home where roads were built with some forethought (though not much, I admit). Home where I can get donuts when I want them. Home where I belong, writing.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Comments violating the policies of this blog will not be approved for posting. Language and content should be appropriate for all readers and maintain a polite tone. Thank you.

Popular posts from this blog

Autistic Burnout

Summer demands a lot of social energy, especially for parents. For autistics, the never-ending social calendar of summer can cause serious autistic burnout. Host C. S. Wyatt discusses his need to find a balance between social demands and self-care. Check out this episode!
Post a Comment
Read more

Autism, Asperger's, and IQ

"Aren't people with Asperger's more likely to be geniuses? Isn't genius related to autism?" A university student asked this in a course I am teaching. The class discussion was covering neurological differences, free will, and the nature versus nurture debate. The textbook for the course includes sidebars on the brain and behavior throughout chapters on ethics and morality. This student was asking a question reflecting media portrayals of autism spectrum disorders, social skills difficulties, and genius. I did not address this question from a personal perspective in class, but I have when speaking to groups of parents, educators, and caregivers. Some of the reasons these questions arise, as mentioned above, are media portrayals and news coverage of autism. Examples include: Television shows with gifted characters either identified with or assumed to have autistic traits: Alphas, Big Bang Theory, Bones, Rizzoli and Isles, Touch, and others. Some would include...
12 comments
Read more

Alex Plank and Jenny Palmiotto discuss "An Eventing with Ezra"

The film Ezra follows Max Bernal (Bobby Cannavale), a stand-up comedian living with his father (Robert De Niro), while struggling to co-parent his autistic son Ezra (introducing William Fitzgerald) with his ex-wife (Rose Byrne). Alex Plank, Associate Producer Alex Plank is a trailblazing autistic self-advocate and a pioneering leader in the autistic human rights. As an associate producer of the critically acclaimed movie 'Ezra,' Alex has made significant strides in both behind-the-scenes and on-camera roles. He is a champion of authentic and humanistic representation of autistic individuals in the film industry. With a deep commitment to challenging ableism, Alex advocates for a world where autistic people are valued and respected. This commitment extends to a broader condemnation of ableism in all its forms, with a specific focus on dismantling the barriers within the film industry that marginalize autistic talent and narratives. Jenny Palmiotto – Founder of Love & Aut...
Post a Comment
Read more