Feeling Powerless

My wife had an outpatient procedure March 1, and I hated every minute of it.

I know it has never been easy for my parents or my wife when I've had my little medical misadventures, but it stinks to have to be the one in the waiting room.

Sure, it was "no big deal" in the end. Her doctor told me things had never gone so smoothly; my wife is in great shape and the procedure took mere minutes.

The "mere minutes" in the operating room left me waiting for two hours. I walked the corridors, visited the hospital gift shop, the coffee shop, and the diner. The hospital diner was nice, with a counter and round stools like you might find in any 1950s malt shop.

Every surgery is major. Anesthesia is dangerous. Surgery is dangerous.

When it is me, I don't worry as much as I did when my wife was in the operating room.

If something happened to me, I know she'd be okay. Her family and my family would see to that. But, if anything ever happened to her, I'd be crushed. She makes me a much better person. She helps me navigate the world, especially when I'm overwhelmed by everything around me. She doesn't need me nearly as much as I need her.

Yes, it is selfish, but the world is also a better place with her in it.

I'm still a bit tense; I've rarely felt so powerless as when she was in surgery. I'm glad she handled the surgery well. She was fine only hours later.


  1. I'm glad she is okay and sorry for the distress you experienced while waiting.

  2. I can identify with that feeling of helplessness. One of the side effects of love. She sounds like a wonderful woman and a spouse worth experiencing anxiety attacks for. Glad all is well. Great post.

  3. You are so blessed to have a loving supportive family.

  4. It is tough when our loved ones have surgery.

  5. I am fortunate to have my wife. I'm exhausting and frustrating; I know that.


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