Controlling the Future

One of the common traits between the autistic people and the "gifted" people I meet is a desire to control their futures. These people generally dislike feeling there is no control, no structure to the future. Structure seems to be an important aspect of their lives, even if from the outside some talented people seem disorganized.

I like to know what is going to happen a month, six months, or a year from now. Ideally, I'd have a plan for several years into the future. Therefore, it is interesting that I am not alone in this desire.

My short-term future seems to be planned, at least through the end of the year. My calendar and to-do list are up-to-date with teaching duties, research projects, freelance projects, and my creative writing. It will be a busy second half to 2012. But, at least I know what is supposed to be accomplished.

But, after December, things get all vague and blurry.

Because I don't know what is ahead, I get anxious. What will my job be a year from now? Will I be teaching and researching somewhere? Will I be working in private industry? Will I be writing and editing full-time? How will I be contributing to the household?

Some of my friends are able to relax and tolerate uncertainty, but I'd rather have a clear plan. It would be nice to be able to relax, just "go with the flow" and enjoy life, but I worry about the details.


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