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Bad Advice: "Just Ignore the Jerks" and My Memory

Ignoring people isn't something I can do. There is no "polite mode" with my lack of executive function. If someone is a jerk, I tell the person, at that moment. That's something non-autistics never quite grasp, either. My wife has known me for 30 years and forgets that I have no mental editor. Unfortunately, I also relive moments, visually and aurally, for years after the incident. It is a mental film loop, playing repeatedly every day of my life. It is unpleasant, especially since one bad moment with a person or group is the moment that sticks with me for decades. If someone is rude, insulting, or cruel, that person has become a life-long miserable memory that can be triggered by the slightest thing.

So, the best option is to avoid potential jerks.

Comments

  1. I hear that all the time from my husband. "Just don't think about it!" Oh, why didn't I think of that???

    If only it were that simple.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 
When therapists found out that my homelife was full of problems they just 'knew' that that was why I was 'introverted'.
When I questioned their assumptions they (like many non-professionals) reacted to each 'outburst' as if it was a 'sudden change in attitude' or, worse, evidence of 'an anger problem'.

In truth, I 'challenged' them because I didn't understand how they couldn't know how hostile 'society' is ~ it was the only way I could stop my brain seizing up from the shock of finding out that even therapists would rather with-hold info ( even from those who need it most) than improve the situation.
When I learned that psychologists don't like to admit they don't understand such things I became 'obsessed' with learning why.
But it was their reluctance to credit me with any sense that repeatedly offended me ...and as my well-being was in their hands I couldn't afford to 'just let it go'.

None of that occurred to them ...for the most part because I wasn't supposed to notice or know things that they themselves didn't notice / know.
My being a red-head also 'gave' some people an excuse to disregard my complaints about the social injustices that made it impossible for me to know who I might trust ...who might not invade my space but might inspire me intellectually and, thereby, bring me some social relief.
That it was easier for them to believe I was suggesting that some people are born wise just showed how closed their minds were to the possibility that some of us understand more about our experiences on this planet than they're taught to believe is possible.

Basically, the same education system that restricts what we can learn during a large part of our day / life, restricts what trainee psychologists learn at university; all the sciences are specialist subjects ...concerning details that are not to be freely shared even with (or especialy with?) those professionals who wish to offer their clients a genuinely sympathetic ear.
That most adults have been taught to ignore or excuse that reality means that an autistic child is unlikely to meet many sincere adults during the nightmare of their own assimilation ~ I believe many autistic people, especially young children, pick up on such B S.
Just because we can't name such [often subtle] negative vibes (/ can't read minds), let alone provide proof that certain people are knowingly, or unwittingly, obstructing our learning, doesn't mean we're paranoid or 'oversensitive'.

Those who are actively embarrassed by our un-editable responces to that dreadful reality, and to all the prejudices employed to maintain a divided healthy response to systematically-produced ignorance, would do good to be as embarrassed by prejudice itself. JJ

    ReplyDelete

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