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Why I Desire Social Skills

I don't feel "lonely" most of the time, I feel isolated. That's different. I don't want to deal with people, I want to do things that too often require dealing with people -- leaving me stuck at home some days. People for me are ways to gain knowledge and data; I am interested in people with knowledge I don't posses yet want want to learn. I don't care to be social for no reason. Even with a reason, I'd rather skip the social elements.

I've written that I do sometimes wish to be more social. Though hard to explain, I perceive there would be intellectual benefits -- people would be more comfortable sharing information with me if I were more "charming." So, when I say I wish I were more socially skilled, it is not because I miss the skills or want them for enjoyment, but I wish I could persuade more people with skills and knowledge I admire to be mentors.

My wife is not social, either, but she does much better with people than I do. She is in field that values skills and creativity over social abilities. Engineers can talk for hours about improving a design, debating and questioning the proposed solutions. It helps to have some social skills, but brilliance is valued more. This might be why the sciences were always appealing to me and others with ASDs.

Sitting at home day after day does get tiring. It isn't people I seek out, though, but a change of scenery. That's why I do leave the house when I can. It isn't because I like dealing with driving (I hate it) or people in a new setting, but my mind craves a chance to see something other than the same walls every day. If I were a bit more financially secure, I'd leave the house a bit more often to focus on my writing elsewhere. That's not seeking out people, but it is trying to end the sense of isolation; home can feel like a trap.


  1. I don't really feel isolated really, unless things are going wrong for me. It's a matter of attitude and situation with me.

    As for social skills, yes I can see where the possesion of them would have made differences, where I could have got on better with them, but really I don't care that much, and I don't think my real friends do either.

    What is the difference between isolation and solitude? I would guess mental attitude and choice, choice being perhaps the problem for most, in that they do not choose it.

  2. I'm torn. I would like a boyfriend and stuff, but I also really love being by myself. I don't feel isolated, I kind of enjoy it, listening to music and doing pointless things, but it would be nice to know how to meet men or something.
    In a non-scary way.

  3. I would like a boyfriend and stuff, but I also really love being by myself.

    The perfect spouse/partner allows you to do exactly that. I found mine, but it was only after I started thinking clearly about what I really wanted.

  4. Thing is that it is the whirligigs of time.

    Sure I would have liked a female partner, but every potential female partner I pursued, well there were the seeds of destruction in that relationship. Can't say it was me, can't say it was her, it was the times and the values.

    I'm not lonely, though I do have my regrets, not for partnership but that I never engendered any children. Some people say I am good with children, perhaps because I am still part child myself.

    However I do have lots of freinds and I suspect they feel the worse for not seeing me than I do for them.

    In a way I helped two of my freinds meet, and now they are married, the first child is on the way, and I had a part in that because I introduced them to each other.

    My very lack of social skills has had it's achievements, it was what was meant to be. My friends like me because they like me, they don't wish me otherwise or cured.

    You could say I am just lucky in that respect. I dunno, but I'll tell you this much, those who judge me purely from the internet, do not really know me.

  5. CS, if you met me, you would say that I am very skilled socially. I am most emphatically not. I'm shy.

    I have memorized certain things to say and certain ways to ask but I'm socially backwards, in my opinion.

    My son has found a niche in school; he is in band. That has helped a great deal socially, but he doesn't really hang around anyone.

    Little steps. I find your posts incredibly encouraging.


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